This topic is one that has always touched a nerve with me every since I noticed that light skin and dark skin women not only had a competitive wedge driven between them but were instructed from the time they are young girls to be that way. Recently Tameka Foster (Usher’s Ex-wife) wrote a piece for the Huffington Post titled “Pretty For A Dark Skin Girl”. In this piece she reflects on her experiences as a darker skin African American female and how at times she felt that she was not pretty or did not measure up to the beauty that light skin African American females had. There are deeper issues at hand in this piece. One being that in the African American culture light skin and dark skin girls are conditioned to be competitive towards each other and to have an inherent negative outlook towards the other. The stereotype is that light skin girls believe that they are more attractive than their darker counterparts. It is also believed that light skinned girls are treated better, receive more attention from men etc. Light skin girls are also thought to be stuck-up. While the darker skin girls are thought to not be as pretty and to be envious of another chicks golden complexion. These and many other stereotypes is where the competition between women takes an even uglier route. Not only am I competing with you because you are another female I am also competing with you because you are lighter than or darker than me.
This progresses into people dating a certain complexion because they feel that this is what is acceptable. With that being said, I want to take a minute to dissect preference versus stupidity. There is nothing wrong with having a preference for light skinned girls. I prefer darker skin men so I understand a preference. It becomes stupidity when you purposely only date light skin women/men and when you deem the darker skin ones less attractive simply because of a complexion. The sad part is there are a lot of women and men who are hopelessly searching for a partner but may never find them because he or she does not meet their complexion requirements.
What disturbs me is that darker skin little girls grow up and feel self hatred towards themselves and their light skin counterparts because they might feel men never treated them as well as they treated light skin women, or simply because in the urban society they are not regarded as being as beautiful as a light skin women. We see this being played out in Hip-Hop videos daily. The lighter skinned girls and bi-racial girls receive more camera time. I have even been told by men that I think I look good because I’m yellow. One guy told me that he was only dating me because I was light skin. How about, I think I look good because I should feel good about myself and not wait for someone else to validate my beauty? Or, you are dating me because you like me for me no matter the complexion.
It perturbs me when darker women assume the worst about a lighter skin female as far as her personality or attitude before they even have the chance to meet her or speak with her. I have even experienced hostility from darker skin women and not just darker skin women but the ones who society has deemed as less attractive. Your complexion should not be the reason why you feel you are less or more attractive. I know that there are some lighter skin women who live up to that stereotype of being stuck up as there are darker skinned women who are equally stuck up, so it can go either way. The truth of the matter is that if you have a nasty disposition then you have a nasty disposition. It boils down to being happy with you and confident in you enough to not compare yourself to another. I just want to remind the women out there that you have a choice. You have a choice to not compete with any woman and to not make another woman feel less than especially for something as foolish as skin complexion. Lastly, please let no one give you a reason to dislike another woman. This battle is a tool to keep us separated. You also have a choice to not prejudge a women you meet based on her skin tone. There, the “battle” is over. Your thoughts?
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Skittles
11 months ago
I to was raise that light skinned people are superior tha dark skinned.First off “skinned” is not a work. Second i believe its how u feel about ur self. Last time i checked we all came from the same place, Africa.
Sharon
11 months ago
I can definitely relate to the article and the buzz around Tamika’s piece in Huffington Post. Being of a darker skinned complexion growing up in the early 80’s was a reality on skin tone. However, I was raised with a family of mostly women who engraved in me the self confidence, self assurance and esteem to not feed into that way of thinking. Even so, the challenges still appeared and despite it all I perservered and in the end found my confidence was as competitive if not more than the color of my skin. When you know better you do better.
James Revels
11 months ago
I’m a man who loves beauty of all colors,shapes,and sizes.The thing I love particularily about black women,by this I mean light and dark,is that they all come in a rainbow of colours from light,bright to almost white to caramel,choclate brown,to cocoa,and to dark choclate and it’s all good to me.
Who goes to a flower shop to only look at flowers that are all the same colors,sizes,and shapes?yet they go to view different plants with their varities of shades,textures,smells,and most of all their beauty.
We live in a society where the light,bright,and the white are unfortunately are treated quike differently from the brown or darker skined women.But that is no reason to feel less beautiful because you’re darker,and it’s certainly no reason for a lighter woman to have an nasty attitude and think she’s better because she’s light.
Earth,Wind,and Fire said it best,”Beauty is in the eye of the beholder”,To all dark and light woman out there you all are beautiful period.
Nayomi a.k.a "Saint"
11 months ago
Really love this article, I can really relate to it. Yeah… I guessed I’m what people would call “light-skinned” and I hate the fact sometimes other black people will look at me and think that I’m not as black as them or I have it easier. I mean I understand why they are led to believe such thing when you look at celebrities and the media and such… but it hurt me that there is rascism or discrimination from my own race,when there are enough obstacles and challenges in life from being black and a female.
My Perspective
10 months ago
You are beautiful…but you are not what I would consider light-skinned. You appear to be brown-skinned.
I, on the other hand, happen to be VERY fair. I’m biracial. I have white skin, European features, and long hair. Very few people can tell that I have African blood in my veins. Most people seem to project their insecurities onto me because of my physical appearance. When I dated a dark-skinned guy, the reactions from other people were ridiculous. Other black females were pissed because they thought he was with a white woman. His mother did NOT like me because of my color. I can state that without a doubt. This is one reason I did not wish to continue a relationship with him. That, and the constant abuse he inflicted on me.
I can relate to what you are saying and I agree with you to an extent…but like I said, you aren’t light at all. No one, let alone other black people, would ever question what race you belong to. Women are probably being hostile because you’re attractive. You have lovely hair and beautiful features. You also seem to be extremely intelligent. I doubt that it is entirely about your color. Most women tend to be insecure around ANY woman who is prettier, sexier, more intelligent, etc. It is rare to see a woman who is secure within herself and not trying to belittle others to make herself feel better. Some people are simply jealous of others for different reasons.
I appreciate your defense of all black women, including light-skinned sistas. Black women are beautiful, like James Revels said. We need to see beauty in ourselves and one another. We need to have some unity.
Dark-skinned women who dislike lighter women are insecure because they perceive us to be more privileged in society. This is not true, at least not in my case. I have NEVER looked down on a darker woman in my life or believed that I was superior because of my fair skin. I have no control over the lack of melanin in my skin. I have no control over my ancestry or the fact that I look like this. I’m sick of assumptions being made about me. I have experienced racism from all kinds of people.
We are all one people. Some of us might look different. Some of us might be lighter or more non-black in appearance. Some of us might have blond hair, blue eyes, white skin, and fine features. But in this society we are still black, because most racists do not care how much European blood is in our veins. Black folks in general have severe hangups when it comes to skin color and hair texture. We need to stop disrespecting one another and start loving one another.
We are diverse. We are beautiful. We come in snow white, ivory, butterscotch, honey, caramel, cocoa, dark chocolate, and blue-black. Some of us have woolly curls. Some have lovely kinks. Some have hair like silk.
Black people are gorgeous…yet we can be so vicious and cruel to one another.
Rahman K. Shabazz
10 months ago
Well i must admit that i agree with the four previous writers.one time many years ago on 125th St their was two sisters one light and one dark. and all of the brothers were flocking all around the lighter one and the darker one was left standing to the side.
darkchild
5 months ago
Yes, I am “dark skinned” and yes as a young woman I felt it lessened my chances for finding a mate. To some, not all having a family is what it is all about. However, that didn’t mean I took it out on a light skinned person who had nothing to do with this brainwashing. You have to realize many of us come from families with both light and dark complexions and also biracial families. So why would we hate light skinned women. That would be like hating your family. It is much more complex than just light vs. dark skinned girls and I wouldn’t consider you light skinned. I notice people claim light when they are medium complexioned. Stop watching those videos. I don’t watch them or anything else that will brainwash me into hating ourselves. I feel you have had a couple of bad experiences and therefore it is YOU doing the assuming. You are out of touch. It seems more of the light skinned girls are bringing this topic up. The rest of us have moved on with that issue. The bottom line is all women want to be desirable and the fact is caucasian is what you see on the billboards, magazines, movies, etc. in abundance and those who have never been married, never got to have a family, and not willing to settle for Willie the wine-o or Tyrone the jail bird, question why would the professional black men overlook their own women light or dark, to have a family with.
Missy17
3 months ago
I see this in school ALL the time.It hits me hard because i’m A dark-skinned black girl.I give my boyfriend a hand job it’s,”You know how easy those dark skins are”.My (used to be 2 high yellow(mixed)and light skinned)friends could have a lesbian,cock sniffing party in front of the school.They’d be called naive,and ”helped” with their problem.It doesn’t make it better that statistic wise,a black man will actually marry them,(apparently my chances of 1 of my own black men marrying me are as bad as me owning a home in today’s market),whites blood pressure rising over 5 percert when i walk into a room,(which shows how uneasy they still fill next to us),add on the facts of black studies and jobs going back to 1975,i can have all the master’s degrees,and recommendation’s in the world,If some one of light africian town makes the employer i’m screwed.This is something that won’t be fixed until were bred out of exsistents.Which will be in about 321 yrs.AND i’m talking WORLDWIDE.