Are You Dating Up Or Down?
Many of the complaints from some of my girlfriends about their boyfriends is that they aren’t on the same page. He does not understand them and so on. He is not on their level whether it be financially, mentally or in life in general. Which brings me to the question. Are you dating up or down? Let me explain, when I say dating up, I am talking about dating someone who is your equal. For instance, you cannot be a superficial women and then seek out a man who will love you for you. Or you cannot be a person who only passes the gym on their way to McDonalds but wants a beef cake. Catch my drift. Of course this does not apply to all cases but it has affected me a time or two. In both cases you would be the one that needs to step your game up. Enter into a new phase of growth in your life. I enjoy when I meet a new man, or person, who can help me to go the next level when it comes to being a better me in life.
Sometimes opposites do attract. However, if there are no meaningful commonalities between the two then the result will be that the relationship will not flourish.
In the same token, I find that some women also date down. They find men who they have absolutely nothing in common with and expect their to be a deep connection. Or, they find someone who has nothing to offer them financially, emotionally, etc and are perplexed when he is not living up to their standards. That would be an example of one dating down. He was never on your level to begin with. By dating down you are running the risk of that person bringing you down as well. On the contrary that does not mean that a person cannot learn and grow and perhaps then things will be more equal between the two. It just depends on how patient you are going to be with that person in hopes of them getting there. You down to play the waiting game? Sometimes it does pay off, and other times you loose a lot of time, energy, patience, love and effort into a person who never had any intentions of changing or growing. Hey, that is their choice to be stagnant in life. Everyone has that choice.
Let me just say that there is a balancing act in this equation. There is no one person who is the epitome of perfection. There will always be something about the individual that you do not like. You will always have to work with a person and what you perceive to be their “issues”. As they will have to do the same for you. The first step is to ask yourself what you can deal with and what you cannot. What you can live with and what you simply cannot. Finally, always know, believe, and accept ones own worth. Never wait on someone else to determine it for you. What a lovely feeling it is to have someone to share your life with that is on the same page as you.
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Great article… cleared things up for me…
Excellent article and I like how you made sure that dating down doesn’t just mean dating someone who makes less money than you. I’d much rather be with someone who can support me emotionally even if they can’t buy me all the diamonds in the world.
I dated and married down..big mistake..10 years later I am starting all over again career, financial etc. because he bought me down to his level and after 10 years, I realized I didn’t want to die like that..amongst other big, big disappointments with him. So I got out..and nearly a year later..I’ve gotten my life back.