Ask LJ
I recently got this email asking me for advice. In respect to the sender, I have changed the names.
Hey LJ,
I’ve been friends with Eric for five years. He’s 4 years younger than me. He’s a Level 2 Auto technician, I’m a Computer Literacy Teacher. for the five years I’ve known him, his personality has never changed. he’s respectful, hardworking, caring, and i know he likes me; by the way he looks at me, talks to me and jumps at any chance to see me. and i like him too. we’ve recently gone on two dates which i totally enjoyed. I’ve been with other ppl and i used to find myself wondering and convincing myself that they like me.. but with Eric I just know for sure.
In comes my mom… she thinks Eric’s tattoos are too much, he’s not a “shirt and tie” guy. and is always talking about woman should not date down… do you think Eric would be dating down…
Dear Anonymous,
For some women, dating down can also be dating someone who is not on their level career wise. In my opinion, I am more focused on dating down emotionally and maturity wise. If Eric makes you happy and you are content with the person he is and his career then go for it. Especially if you feel like he is the type of guy who will not hold YOU back in your life and growth. It is more important to me that he is willing to continue to grow mentally as you are. Sure there is nothing wrong with dating a shirt and tie guy but there still has to be those commonalities there to keep you together. In other words, you still have to like the guy. Remember when I mentioned balance in the piece Are You Dating Down? I have been with guys who had alot of physical things, nice cars, condos, money etc. However, when I would talk to them there was no connection, I did not enjoy being around him, and I did not like his personality much. If I had of continued then that would have been me dating down as well. So, it really is based upon what is more important to you. Sure having a guy with alot of nice things is cool, but having to hang around him and fake like you like him is no fun for you. As far as your mom, I would not worry about her as much. She is not the one that has to be bothered with these guys. You are. Keep the balance. You don’t want to miss out on a possible love of your life
Great advice. Really let’s ladies know what “balance” really is.
Hey LJ,
I have just finished reading your post about black women and how you were treated by them. I couldn’t help but idenify with this because I experienced the very same things!!! Even now at 34 years old, it continues.
I would like your opinion on this. Whenever I come in contact with another black women, I can feel the tension!!!! It’s so thick you can cut it with a knife!!!! They alienate me and have all my life!!! This has made cry and have feeling that is there something wrong with me?? Am I not interesting enough to be a friend??? Or what!!! I notice that black women will make it a point to be condescending, start a unintentional (not on my side) battle of the wits, and confrontational. i would also like to add that I am a very attractive fair-skinned black women.
Why does this happen to me??????