There are certain things that when you first start a relationship, your man does not necessarily need to know. That does not mean that you should never share all of these intimate things. At some point you should. It just means that you should get to know the type of guy you are with before you divulge all of your deepest darkest secrets. Take your time in cleaning out your closet and placing all of your emotional strain on him. Especially if you want to keep him. Find out what he can accept and what he is uncomfortable with. Know who you are dealing with! It might save your relationship or at least some time.
1. Sexual Partners
He does not need to know how many guys you slept with. Why?
2. He Is Not Your Best In Bed
If you care about this guy and want to stay with him then you should not tell him that he is not your best in bed. Chances are depending on how long you guys date, he will ask. Something about feeling like they are the only ones that rocked your world strokes a man’s egos.
3. He Is Not Your King Kong
If your man is not your biggest, do not tell him that. Even if he says that it does not bother him that you have had bigger, he is probably lying. Situations like this make guys feel self-conscious and this could trickle down to your relationship with him.
4. Which One Of His Friends Are Cute To You
Cuties usually roll in groups so chances are if he is a hottie with his s**t together then his friends will also be hotties with their s**t together.
5. All Of Your Bank Account Info And Balances.
It is not his business to know your check account balance. This is your money and no man should be in your wallet. Similarly, he does not need to know every time you get a bonus check from work. I feel that a woman should always maintain her own money. If you are the type of woman who enjoys for your man to assist you financially, even if you don’ necessarily need it, then you might not want to tell him about that bonus you got form work. This might make him less liable to want to open his wallet for you and feel that you don’t need it. Yeah sure it might seem sneaky but hey… I would not be me if I wasn’t honest.
6. He Does Not Need To Know All Of Your Sexual Exploits.
He does not need to know that you once hung from a chandelier while getting it in with your ex. Or that one time you had a threesome with two girls. Some guys are turned on by these exploits but some are actually turned off. It may make them look at your differently and suddenly you don’t look like wifey material any more.They do not want to look at you and think about
7. He Does Not Need To Know That You Helped Out An Ex Financially.
It is none of his business that you once put down the down payment for your ex’s car. Why? Because he too might expect the same from you even if you are not comfortable with it. Or he might feel as though you are a stupid girl and he can find a way to take advantage of you himself. I once told a boyfriend about me committing a similar offense and months later when he was short on his monthly payment guess whose rent money he wanted? Mine. Of course he swore he would pay me back right after he got paid again. Guess who got evicted? Yeah, even LJ Knight has been a stupid girl a time or two. Why do you think I am so wise now? Wink.
8. Depending On How Close You Are He May Not Need To Know Intimate Details About Your Family
Everybody does not need to know about your touchy feely Uncle Chester. I think that one should not divulge information like this until they have gotten to know the person on a deeper level. Not everyone is kind enough to take your past horrific life experiences into consideration. Some use it to their advantage. I have a girlfriend who shared her family issues with her boyfriend and he would ultimately use them against her in arguments and it also caused him to harbor hateful feelings towards her parents and express resentment whenever he was in their presence. While they tried to figure out why this young man hated them so much. See, she had healed from the situation and no longer shared his feelings of resentment towards her parents so by him being angry with them, this caused unnecessary stress on her and her relationship with him and her parents. I am not stating that you should never share with your man, just be weary about how mature the person you are sharing with is and if you yourself are ready to pick at old wounds.
9. He Does Not Necessarily Need To Know What You Did Or Gave Of Yourself Emotionally To An Ex.
Not every new boyfriend should know about the bonds you may have had with old boyfriends. This may make your current partner feel insecure in your relationship with him. I can speak from personal experience and say that my ex fiance would always mention an ex he had in high school that he never got over. They always shared this friendship and or bond. When he would discuss her it sounded as if he missed that bond and made me feel as if I was not doing a good job in comparison. His emotional connection to her wasn’t a problem for me, it was the fact that he discussed it so often that it made me uncomfortable and as if our bond was not up to par in comparison. Eventually he did stop after many arguments and tears over how it made me feel. Looking back, I probably should have dumped him and allowed him his time to heal or ever pursue her again instead of always being made to feel like second best. No one wants to feel like second best in someone heart ladies. Do you?
10. He Does Not Need To Know About Your Short Jail/Juvey Stint
If your dating a wall street guru, straight laced guy you probably should not tell him about the time when you were 18 and low on cash so you stole a neighbors car and sold it, which ultimately ended up with you serving a short jail stint. At least not in the beginning. Allow him time to see that you are not an ex convict before you open up your criminal history. Some guys scare easier than others. Not everyone wants to be a thug or wants a thug princess on his arm.
11. If You Have Ever Been Charged With Stalking, Keep That On The Low. Real Low.
Sometimes it is hard to let go of a person. Especially one that you thought you would spend the rest of your life with. Love can make you do crazy s**t that you promised yourself you were too fly to ever do. Which is why if you were semi stalking your ex fiance after the break up and ended up with a retraining order to keep 100 yards away from him. You probably should not tell your new guy this info. For the average guy who does not like crazy chicks (believe me some do) it might scare him away. No one wants to be stalked or assaulted (usually). Once again, consider the type of guy you are dealing with and depending on how early it is in the relationship before sharing your past stalker girl antics. Especially if that is a side of you that you have grew out of. Side Note:
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Nicole
4 months ago
While I think you were on point with everything else, I disagree with keeping a secret of #1 and #8. If you are dating a man, and it’s becoming serious, it’s important to talk about things in yoru past, because it may help your partner understand you better. For instance, if you were sexually abused as a child, you may have issues in the bedroom presentally, as a result. Instead of keeping it in, I would suggest having a talk with your boyfriend about it. I’m sorry, but I believe in honesty in a relationship. If you don’t think that a person will be able to accept your past, then find someone who will. For something as traumatizing as child abuse, abusive relationships with ex-boyfriends..these are not things that don’t you keep to yourself. By saying not to talk about it, this only further encourages black women, to feel ashamed about their past, and makes them further repress old problems that need to be addressed and out in the open.
Nichelle
4 months ago
so your basically lying to him about who you are? I mean thats false advertisement to me… Why trick a man into being with you. Lying will get you into trouble because the truth can come out at anytime and bite you in the azz then what? If your ashamed of it don’t do it…
zillz
4 months ago
ladies be warned…follow any of these rules and get caught…YOU WILL be alone.
anonymous
4 months ago
#3 “Situations like this make guys feel subconscious . . .”
How does a man feel subconscious??? Is he feeling his own subconscious or his woman’s? I think the word you’re going for here is SELF-conscious.
I’ve read your work before on Clutch mag and while I think generally you are a good writer, there is always one big glaring mistake like the above in every piece. If writing is really how you want to make your way in this world, you have to know that obvious mistakes are just going to dim your shine. Step it up and get a good editor so you can put out polished pieces, and not work that is okay but for all the mistakes that really make one question your ability.
Joe Clyde
4 months ago
Funny my girl now has broken every single one of these rules. I really should dump her. lol
a1
4 months ago
over all some very dumb advice.
TheHallway/TheSunk
4 months ago
I really was about to give a critique, but as I read the first few comments I feel as though I should give some encouragement. These people write like they have a vendetta against you. So with that being said nice article, but “Things Your Man Doesnt Need To Know” should really be left up to a male’s perspective/pov. I say that 60% was correctand the other 40% was kind of shaking, but I enjoyed your honesty, it is refreshing.
Peace, The Hallway
tkny45
4 months ago
There are times too much info is just not necessary… but rest assured if you was in jail at any time I seriously need to KNOW.
GreenEyez
4 months ago
Charged w/ stalking!!!!!!!!!!!!! WTH. LMBO.
C.J.
4 months ago
I agree with EVERYTHING on this list! I have been in a relationship for 2 years and I began my relationship with telling my man everything and it’s biting me in ASS!!! He has been paranoid from day one. *smh* If it is not necessary, PLEASE don’t tell your mate MALE or FEMALE anything sexual. Don’t tell your mate if you cheated on your ex as well. You will regret giving this information especially if your mate won’t handle it as a mature adult.
PBG
4 months ago
I agree with quite a few of the points made here. Overall, it’s never a good idea to divulge too much personal information about yourself when dating. Especially if it’s “just dating”. No one needs to know the intimate details of your life unless the relationship has the potential for marriage.
Eva
4 months ago
I found this article to be really problematic and extremely sexist.
Nicole
4 months ago
I think everybody is taking this advice at face value.
Personally, I think she is referring to the beginning of a relationship. Your not lying because your not revealing every single intimate detail about yourself to a man who is still considered a stranger; just because you two boned and had sweet pillow talk DOES NOT MEAN he is not a stranger liable to take your secrets and pin them against you.
You shouldn’t feel compelled to share all of the details with a man you don’t even know; or with anybody for that matter. That requires trust and you cannot trust everybody so quickly. That requires time and growth with a person. As comfortable as we believe we are when hearing a lovers secrets, you can’t expect that your lover is as open just because he says he is.
And no man needs to know how much money I am making and how much I have in my bank unless we are engaged to be married. That is none of his business.
Fair Sir
4 months ago
in the happiest relationship of my life going on two years no. she broke many of your quote unquote rules. I think people should just go with the flow. if you are in a relationship and cant feel out a person and glean what is appropriate disclosure and what is not and do so without lying and creating a list of rules, then you probably are not ready for a real relationship.
I also had huge problems with your rationale for #5.
“If you are the type of woman who enjoys for your man to assist you financially, even if you don’ necessarily need it, then you might not want to tell him about that bonus you got form work. This might make him less liable to want to open his wallet for you and feel that you don’t need it. Yeah sure it might seem sneaky but hey… I would not be me if I wasn’t honest.”
It is sneaky. It is also manipulative. Definitely not the right foot to start a relationship out on.
I thought some of your advice was okay. Particularly the weightier emotional issues, but again, it’s hard to draw a bright line rule. not only should one consider the other person and how they may handle that info, but the person divulging may need to understand how those issues from the past are still affecting them. if the are still impacted significantly, it may be good to let your mate know as they can provide support.
SETSET
4 months ago
I think she is pretty damn accurate. And I also think a lot of you are not paying attention to the fact that she said
“There are certain things that when you first start a relationship, your man does not necessarily need to know. That does not mean that you should never share all of these intimate things. At some point you should.”
Your sexual history, emotionally delicate issues(past relationship hangups, and family issues), income, and the fact that you enjoyed sex with someone else more, are not things you should disclose early on. That is private, personal info, and if the relationship is newnew, you might not even be talking to this fool in 3 mos, but now he knows that you did MoMo from GA Ave in the Ailey, that you make 45,000.00 a year and can’t save a penny, your mother doesn’t even know if your father is your father, And that you went to jail for stealing Parasucos 15 years ago… HA don’t be stupid, Wait til an appropriate time. WTF
ANDERS1159
4 months ago
why do you want to hide your money from your man and pretend to love him?, you ladies are so selfish and you all want men to be your slaves by trying to have men working only for you while you are saving your money, you want to abuse them and try to make them believe that you are innocent and sexually decent. Believe it or not, Men want to be loved by women too and want also to rely on you even if they would loose everything they have, it’s really a shame to see how even parents are teaching their daughters how to be gold-diggers, this is so sad in the society, I may never get married because most women these days don’t want to love a man unconditionally but they just want to be taken care of even when they don’t deserve it.
thereselea
4 months ago
I totally agree with this stuff. I don’t agree with lying about it, though. How I have handled it before is I just say that I don’t care to discuss it or that it’s not relevant. I have even told guys (when they asked questions of this nature) that yeah, in the past I discussed stuff like that, and in the “getting to know someone” stage it’s cool, but then when you get serious it’ll cause problems. Like, for example, I know that at first a guy might discuss sex with a past person. It doesn’t bother you when you’re just “cool”. But down the road when you really start to develop feelings for that person, it’ll f*ck with your head. Who wants to imagine intimate details, whether it be physical or emotional, of the person they love and how they were with someone else? So a lot of that stuff, I DON’T even want to know.