I’m sure we’ve all faced some type of rejection in our lives at one point or another, but what happens when it’s the other way around? When you’re the one having to do the rejecting. This task is almost as annoying to handle, as dealing with the heartache of being let down. Is there any way to politely and properly say “no-thank you” these days? I mean sheesh, I’ve never admired the prideful heartbreaker, but what do you say to the person that just doesn’t seem to get it? They can’t solve the context clues and they don’t read the subliminal messages. I’m sure to a certain extent we’ve all dealt with someone on this level before, where inside and throughout the ENTIRE awkward forced initial conversation, you’re praying something similar to mine, like:

“Please don’t ask for my number. Please don’t ask for my number. I don’t want to be a liar and tell you that I’m seeing someone else at the moment, but I can already tell ain’t no way in hell we’re ever gonna work out. But I still would like to keep you as a contact because you seem like you could be the homie and maybe a possible networking contact down the road. But again, please don’t ask for my number. I’ll find you on Facebook and we’ll go from there.”

And if you’re anything like me, suffering from the too-nice complex, two minutes later…you give out your digits.

You wouldn’t believe how many times, I’ve found myself in the same situation where I end up giving out my number simply for the fear of coming off as pretentious. I have given out my number to anyone from the peanut boy at Disneyland to the film director/truck driver at the Arco gas station in West Hollywood. The worst part about it is, after I give out my number, I continue to be haunted with the fact that I know I will still have to deal with the rejection issue later down the road. It appears that somehow my kindness is repeatedly mistaken for interest time and time again. In turn, I end up dragging out my misery of a fake friendship, giving that person false hope, only to come off as witch in the end anyhow, when I finally have to put my foot down and say, “Look, I’m sorry you thought otherwise, but I am not interested in pursuing a relationship with you in that way. I know I laughed at all your corny jokes and smiled throughout the whole conversation, but I don’t know at what point, that made you think I was in any way interested.”

So why is it so hard for me to be direct initially? Well to be honest, I’m a lover of people in general. I’m fascinated with everyone’s stories and uncommon backgrounds. I never like to burn bridges or miss the chance on what could become a really great friendship or networking contact later in life. After all, we live in a society where “whom-you-know” is progressively becoming just as valued as the “what-you-know,” you paid $40,000 for a year on tuition. Because of my personable behavior and eagerness to understand life through people, along with the help of social networking, I’ve made many friends across the country that I communicate with regularly. On the contrary, my jubilant interest in their life sometimes ends up translating to wanting the relationship to progress further than a friendship.

I’ve tried many things in the past to politely turn someone away by use of phrases, intentional actions, even where I choose to position myself in a room, or releasing some embarrassing stories of mine. Just about anything to deflect a man from pursuing me in any other way than a friend. One of the most obvious and revealing things is the look I wear on my face (as pictured above). These eyes don’t lie. My obvious “look at you or treat you like the homie” emotions and expressions are considered my cheat sheet for men to show them that there is no interest on my half in a potential romantic relationship. I mean c’mon, did you really think I was that macho? Yet, even after all the messages I send out, some men still can’t decode them properly and continue to work harder at winning my affection by overcompensating.

*Side note: I have to address that no one should ever find themselves leaning over someone too heavy that shows signs that they are uninterested. When it comes to dating, it isn’t the same as kissing and the 90/10 rule doesn’t apply. It’s 50/50 when it comes to love. The street is two-way and you have to drive in the right direction by reading the signs! A man or woman will show you with their actions, whether or not they are interested in taking the friendship anywhere else other than where it’s at. Every little action that person does or conversation that person shares, is a hint as to what your next move should or shouldn’t be. Life is just as much about reaction as it is action.

So what’s the best way to go about rejecting? I’ve slowly learned that you have to be clear from the get go. Not necessarily up front because that may not have been their intentions for you anyhow, but as soon as you start seeing signs or having an intuition that the person has interest for you in any way other way than what you plan for. Your reactions, will need to be based off of their actions, if it isn’t happening the other way around. Be clear and direct for the sake of that person’s time and heart. It will at least show them that you are strong by knowing what you want, which is hopefully a trait they will admire for not wasting their time. Don’t try and be cute, don’t lead them on, just be real. If you’re actions ain’t sayin it loud enough, you’ll simply have to break down and say “I’m just not into you.”

Peace, blessings, and good luck!

For More Of Anastacia Waller, Check out her blog