Waiting for sex vs. Sex on the first date. Does it matter?
This is a discussion that always comes up when the topic of dating protocol arrives. Many women feel that the man is less likely to take them seriously and want to pursue a relationship with them if they give up the goods too soon. Think about it ladies. We were taught since little girls that boys want what is between our legs and will say almost anything to get to it. We were taught to protect it. Little boys on the contrary are taught to be conquerors and the more notches under your belt the better a man you are. For women, as we get older some of the glitter and gold of the “vagina is sacred” concept starts to fade as we see that even the good girls get played. So what happens then? Some give up on the concept of being pure like snow and decide that they have control over their bodies and that they too want the same sexual freedoms that men have. Not every woman is interested in having a relationship with every man she sleeps with.
Then there is a man’s point of view where some feel that if they want to be in a relationship with you it does not matter how soon you give it up. If they already like you then the sex will be like the cherry on top.
In 2010, does it matter if you wait until you are in a committed relationship to have sex? For ladies, does this guarantee that the man will treat you better or want to be in a relationship with you? For the guys, does a woman who wants to make you wait turn you off or does it make you appreciate her more? Are there people in the world who still live by this code?
Here is my point of view. As a woman, I would say that sex on the first date is not a good idea if you like this guy. If you know that you like this guy and want to possibly pursue a relationship with him then your best bet is to wait until you know how he feels about you. You don’t necessarily have to wait until you are in a relationship for sex but you should definitely know that he likes you for you and that usually takes more than one date to distinguish. Now, if you want to jump in the bed with him simply because he is too sexy to resist or you just want to get yours then do so. However, you are running the risk that he might lose interest in you. If that is something that you don’t care about, then you have no worries.
Sometimes it takes a guy a little longer to decide if he wants to be with a chick. Sure we might have our mind made up on him but for them, the decision making process might be longer because in their mind they are giving up something sacred to them. Their freedom to sleep with whomever they like.
Thoughts?
“No.” “Stop.” “Not interested.” “No thank you.” These and other variations should be part of your vocabulary… 
Change. President Barack Obama chanted that we needed “a change we can believe in” and Sam Cooke sang… 
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NikNY
3 months ago
Hmmmm…good point from a woman’s perspective. I’s say its the sex on the 2nd or 3rd meeting (not date) that seals the deal. You may not have to go to dinner for him to want to have sex again. I think if you lay it down on the 1st date you should at least wait about 5 more dates (and I mean date where a check is paid) before I give it up again. Haven’t tried it lol but I’m trying new things;)See its the repitition that gets these dudes comfortable. You gotta spread it out like a t-bone steak sistahs lol….
Nestlethik706
3 months ago
First, I’d like thank my sista “Yeahshesaidit”, for all the love u share. Second, I being one of the experienced, dont believe its a good idea to indulge in the nasty on the first date either. A man proves his one track mind or disrespect for you when he insinuates about sex before you first meet him! Sometimes with us single women, we might need some relief of frustration, but i believe in case of emergency, go at it head up and wear the same one track helmet they do and treat it as such. PEACE!!!
InDedication_Of
3 months ago
I think it all depends on the person and how mature they are. I can’t even keep track of how many guys I’ve come across that have told me they want to screw me, and I’ve just met them. Some of them are even in relationships. That for me is a huge turnoff because there is more to a person than just how good in bed they think they are. What else are you bringing to the table? Anybody can have sex, but even with that everything you do has consequences, and alot of guys I’ve come across can’t handle that. Like my youngest daughter’s father. But that’s a different story for a different day. I am currently engaged right now, and I slept with my fiance the first night he was at my home. Call it intuition but I knew when I met him he would be mine, our attraction to each other was that strong. Besides, he is just too sexy for me to resist.
And he is just as crazy about me as I am about him. Our relationship is not based on sex either. We don’t always have to be physical with each other to let it be known we feel each other. It’s all about where a person is at in their life.
Rob
3 months ago
Gradual attraction may actually be more genuine than lust at first sight. I’m not married, so I can’t say that sex on the first date leads to commitment, but it sure does pack a punch while the iron is hot, regardless if it’s foolish or not! I have learned, however, that is a big chance to feeling empty inside afterward. For me, it can be a fairly reckless thing to do if all the variables are not lined up me and my girl’s favor. Does that make sense?
I can’t all that without saying that morally, sex before marriage, in the eyes of God, is not in anyone’s best interest. If I seem like a hypocrite, I am sorry, but ultimately I cannot condone, nor is it wise for anyone else to condone, approve of, recommend, advocate, or promote sex before marriage. I am not a virgin, so who am I to say this? Why am I suddenly on a soap box???
Terri
3 months ago
I agree with “Yeahshesaidit”. It really all depends on if that’s all you want. When you want a relationship with that person, then please don’t do it until you know for sure that you are the one he wants to make it official with.
I have did on the first date only because I knew that he was not the kind of guy that I want to have a serious relationship with but his swagger was so right that I had to have some of that.
To this day, he still tries to come at me about being his girlfriend and still to this day I don’t want him like that. So it really does depend on what you want.
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Peter
3 months ago
I say it depends on the situation. If you are both aroused by each other on the first date, and you both want to have sex, go for it.
I can’t speak for anyone other than myself, but my respect for a woman is based upon how honest she is with me, not on whether or not she has sex with me on our first date. If she is feeling me and she does not act on it because she is worried about being respected, than in my opinion, she is using sex to get respect. Sex is not something to be used to get anything. That kind of game playing would cause me to lose respect for her. Time spent with people is the most precious thing because time is the only thing in our lives that is finite- once it is gone, you can’t get it back. So enjoy the time you are with someone you are attracted to and stop worrying about conquering or being conquered- just have fun.
Peachshorty
3 months ago
I agree wit Peter & Rob. 2 a degree….
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theopolus20
3 months ago
We should not ignore that unless man in general,and women in particular,change their views and misguided perceptions of that which pertains to each other,it doesn’t matter if it the first date or 531,dates later.And this is why,we can choose to ignore it if we want but there is a gender war that is taking no prisoners only brokenhearted casualties.Now it is commonly known that women mature earlier then men,and we can’t even count the number of times that’s been proven right.So women,that leaves you,without an excuse,and men even if you mature four years later it leaves you with far less then a excuse.Because as the woman,who cleverly put this question forth stated,we supposed to be conquerers.Now men if that’s so then why are we rehearsing the dictates of the commandments of the Slave masters of our ancestors.During that time,the conditions were so horrendous,and the possibility of dying from the bursting of your heart, at sundown was something that was witnessed daily.So when the slave master needed more slaves he would choose,which stud would enter within which women.Now after that,would take place,and after the slave master was perversely entertained from knowing that the stud,had entered the women he departed from the scene of the crime.Now the term creep is as old,if not older than slavery.When the slave master was asleep the man, or the woman would creep under cover of night to see,and spend time together.At that time,and only at time,the black man felt like of man.And also when he was ordered to enter into other women,that he knew,wouldn’t give him the time of day,left alone not even the night he felt like a conquerer.To this day most,not all black carry this same societal,slave induced mindset.Now the black had her own physiological trauma to deal with.It fell squarely on her shoulders to use whatever means possible to insure the survival of the race.But one of the most disheartening trauma based blows that was ever dealt upon the black women the fact,that the steps that she would appear to take to save the black race,would forever be beyond the black man’s perception of reality.Most black men,thankfully not all but far too many,feel like the slave felt hundreds of years ago that the only time he can feel like a man,a conquerer is in the bedroom of a woman that under any other circumstances wouldn’t give him the time of day,left alone,not even the night.And the black woman,just like the sisters,aunts,mothers,grandmothers,that came before her are still using the same methods in the hopes that the black man will be able to look beyond the bedroom,and finally see you as you are,and not according to his slave induced perception of reality.Black man,Black woman,news flash,stop think like a slave.To the black man,the bedroom is not the battle field,black the bedroom is not the battle field.Now contrary to popular opinion,your skills are legendary,if that was not the case,many of you wouldn’t have any white female friends.And she is not the only reason why the black is running from you.The black would be wise to consider who is really winning the war in the bedroom,that you made into a battle field.Maybe the black should lookup the word battle field.The black is not feeling like he winning the war in the bedroom maybe thats the reason he’s running to the white woman.During slavery the black man felt like a conquerer every time he was given the means of entering a black woman that he knew wouldn’t give him the time of day,left alone not even a night.Is’s some what shameful that most,not all,but far to many have that same slave based mindset.And black woman,you cannot win the battle in bedroom,no more then the ones before you,believe me they have tried again,and again.The black have to come to terms with the wars that are being wages in his head,the one on his shoulders and the one in between his legs.The one on his shoulders is besieged by physiological battles that escalate the continual trauma that keeps the minds of the black masses enslaved.The heart,the seat of emotions that regulates the feelings of the black has been preempted by the battle field,bedroom,mindset.Now this is what the black woman is confronted with in the bedroom,that has become a battlefield.For most black men,not all,but far to many,who thought that they wouldn’t make it to the woman bedroom finally arrive.And in laying in her bed,just like a slave they feel like a conquerer,not even aware that the black woman see their thoughts written all over their faces,now that’s the other reason their running to the white woman.Now there are some black woman that feel that if she give the black man,what he desires,that he will change,even though she have to endure that self satisfied mask on his face.So how is she,the black to respond,to this midnight,late night,fly to the next girl bedroom,battle field,conquerer by night.By telling him to commit or you will put him on sex games,lock down.The gender wars,taking no prisoners,only brokenhearted casualties.The black man,refuses to feel like a prisoner,so he with the mind besieged by physiological wars,decides to move on to the next midnight,late night,fly by night to next brokenhearted casualty.But you the black woman,have more power then you realize,because you can stop the war before it starts,by not allowing your bedroom to become his battle field.Since he don’t mind,and i mean just that mind,using his mind to sexually and physiologically apply himself toward making your bedroom,his battle,then you should make and choose a neutral environment that nullify his means of performing hit and run tactics upon your feelings,by saying things like he just want to show you the depths of feelings on a personal level.First tactic create personal boundaries that keep you safe,remember that lady that,that beast killed,for not giving him her digits,set personal limits upon yourself by looking within yourself,test yourself by putting yourself in conditions that make it impossible for you see anyone.Study and be willing to discover the depth,and desires that define who you are,not what you be make you desirable to him,but what make you desirable to you.When you are able to objectively see and recognize the height, and depth of your feelings,desires and aspirations that define you, and you alone,you need time for yourself,then and only the will you be able to obtain the means of seeing and recognizing the truths and falsehoods of people that you will encounter.P.S.Know and be true to yourself and seeing yourself will enable you to see the physiological blueprints behind the masks of others
ARNEADER
3 months ago
At age 46 I’ve found out it’s better to WAIT and even better to talk about sex before you have sex. Older people are more honest when it comes to having sex. They will let you know EXACTLY where they stand when it comes to sex. More than likely you’ll find out if the relationship is strictly sex or if that person is looking for more than JUST sex. People can get sex ANYWHERE. Finding out first a person’s perspective on the SEX restores confidence in a person.
Boss Bytch aka BEE BEE
3 months ago
I think it all depends on 1. The man 2. Where he is mentally 3. And if you as a woman are sure of yourself and your game is tight. Here is some examples. In the interlude of Andre 3000′s prototype the dilema was the fact they had sex on the first date…yet Andre was still contemplating taking things further. Now if a man insinuates in an abrupt disrespectful way his interest in having sex w you…U shouldnt even go out with him b/c his views will not change no matter how smart, beautiful and talented you are!!!! However as a rule of thumb possibly waiting till you are comfortable with the boundaries of you and that man’s relationship before you have sex with him. Because you as a woman may only see him as a possible cuddy buddy and nothing more. But if you are considering a relationship…. wait until you’re SECURE with the direction of your relationship. Quantifying this instead of Qualifying this is not the way to go. There is no cookie cutter way of doing this dating thing. Unless you want to reference the bible…and in that case you’re not really suppose to be dating w/o purpose of marriage.
That’s what Bee Bee has to say…aka…GreenEyez
who_me1028
3 months ago
As a single black man who has been married and played the dating game I have to say it varies based on the maturity of the individuals involved both male and female. The thing is women are selective of who they sleep with and men are selective of who they go into a relationship with. I’ve recently come to a point in my life(I’m 27 years old now) where I feel the need to look objectively at my partners in a quality over quantity type of thing. In my opinion it doesn’t really matter when a women gives it up so long as both parties know how far they want it to go and both have similar hopes and or goals for the acquaintance or friendship or relationship. SOME of us men can respect a woman who is honest about her sexuality and in control of it. Powerful and confident women both attract and intimidate men sometimes, whether they realize it or not.
April
3 months ago
Communication talk to you partner about sex and then decide if it’s to soon personally no one’s getting it on the first date and if i don’t know you not going down.
gethwin
3 months ago
sex is good if its good and if its not forget about it
zy
3 months ago
*high-five Peter* nuff said.
Prin2cess9ch3et0
3 months ago
I have always felt no sex before marriage period. But I do feel that it depends on the man and how you feel about him. I would say no to sex on the first date because in these days and times the first thing that should be on anyone’s mind is “we need to be tested baby” or “if we’re already tested let me see the results” it is only wise and I don’t care about how hot he is or how hot I am and how much i would love to let him have it my health is my top priority as well as my happiness. If I am feeling him and see that he can be an addition to my happiness ( because I am already happy and fulfilled)Then I would have sex with him when I feel the moment is right for me.The heart is the seat of all emotions, when I feel happy,safe, secure, joy, pain, fear, confusion my heart tells me and it never lies now granted I may not always listen to it; but after meeting a man on the first date 2nd 3rd whatever and we kiss that’s cool; we’re making out etc and you go to undress me if my heart tightens and I feel okay the only way to describe it is to relate my first time, my heart clenched and the whole time I was thinking yeah I’m Curious but no no no I don’t want this yet I’m not ready so finally I stopped him. If I’m not eager then I won’t because there is something about the man that I am unsure of. If I find myself just as eager as you are then I’m going for it. I am just going to follow my heart but there will be a delayed reaction there always is for me when it comes to my heart I wait ponder it for a bit then I act on it. So it would probably be 12th date
Mzztee
3 months ago
Generally speaking, I don’t care what a man says, if you have sex with him on the first date, he will not, in the long run, respect you. It can happen, but IT IS RARE! At 48 years old, I’m not giving it up to anyone who does not committ to me in marriage. It’s not a matter of using sex as a pawn or bargaining tool. It’s that I respect myself and I want God’s best and His best for me is the guy who holds the same morals and values that I do and that guy won’t have a problem waiting because he knows like I do that it’s what is right. I have found that this position is not popular, even among Christian men and it makes dating difficult but I’m comfortable with it so maybe I’ll just be single. I’m cool with that too…;-)
r2sase
3 months ago
Having sex on a first date is on you. To be honest I did the do on the first date with the guy I am with now and it’s been 12 years and we are still doing the do just as much as we first met. If you are feeling it than that is on you. Actually, being a woman I wasn’t intending to stay with my man now. He stated to me that when he first seen me that I was the one. I didn’t have the same look on it as he did. I was thinking about me and me only. After the first night we have seen one another everyday. Sex is not something to just give up but you have to mature about it and know what you are wanting in you and the person. But, we all grow up and with all the things going on now, we have to be careful. Last but not least Be responsible!!
Trinitee
3 months ago
I like Mzztee’s point of view.
joenose
3 months ago
just roll afat one and wait ………………..then get on with the guzzy
yepyep
3 months ago
@Mztee and the others: My guy and I had sex on the first date, stayed together that night and we’ve been committed ever since. Maybe call it destiny or whatever but I knew I’d marry him the moment we met…