Erica Edwards is an up and coming writer. Like myself, she is very concerned with Black women and our internal growth and is writing a book about it. You will be hearing more from her on YSSI. Meanwhile check out this piece from her…..
I wanted to vent a bit about “PPP” also known as piss poor parenting. Now, my mother and father were pretty doting…but not, nearly as doting as they needed to be.There were still lies that I told that were so transparent that, sometimes even I looked at my mom in disbelief! Like you really think that I’m going to spend the night over my boyfriends house to play with his 7yr old sister??..I’m 14 ma!…. But hey it worked!
Anyway, with it being 2010 and all, our children must be monitored, talked too, cared and loved! I can recall being left to my own devices much to much during my adolescence, and this is where the pick up’s from the bus stop started and the back of the motorcycle bike rides with no damn helmet began!… I know..I know it’s only so much a parent can do. You can talk to your child until you’re blue in the face, but at the end they are going to do what they want…I’m proof of that..lol! But be that as it may..always TALK to your kids! Because one thing is for sure. No matter how much lip smacking and neck and eye rolling they may do…they hear you…and those words stick with them forever! That, “Don’t Talk To Strangers” and “ Don’t Open My Door For Nobody” s**t.. See it works! I see your ass still remember it! Laughing but oh so serious…
What ignited me to talk about this subject is a small 10yr old boy, who is in fact a product of “PPP.” The crazy part is that his mom was once a close friend of mine, so I was able to get a glimpse up close and personal of his young life. Some parent’s fail to realize the importance of just hugging their child. Kissing them goodnight should be routine and if it’s not, Do that s**t! So when I speak about “PPP” I’m not just enclosing it around the disheveled appearance or the foul mouth of a child, that you bore may have, for the picture is much grander than that. My 10yr old friend lights up when I come around, because I interact with him. I ask him about his day, what he ate for lunch in school, what’s his favorite subject small things like that. I’m even sure to kiss him goodbye when I leave because I’ve seen him go away on countless weekends without even a small peck goodbye from his mom. You know what?…he appreciates it all!! And it’s baffling because his mom use to talk to me about what a deadbeat his dad was, with him never being around. But I thought what’s worse?… To have a parent who is not around you at all.. or a parent who IS around you, but doesn’t express love for you?..
For some, I guess the Parental gene just never kicks in.. Well it’s not the child’s fault!..Next time get a damn pet!
If anyone was offended by my writing…GOOD!! Shame on you!!
Written By Erica Edwards
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“No.” “Stop.” “Not interested.” “No thank you.” These and other variations should be part of your vocabulary… 
Change. President Barack Obama chanted that we needed “a change we can believe in” and Sam Cooke sang… 
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Tiffany
2 months ago
Yeah, I probably lack on the hugs and kisses. Usually I have to chase my boys down for it that I go to the point where I just stopped doing it. Their aunts, uncles, and grandparents usually send them back in to hug me when they are leaving for a little while, but I think I appreciate it more when I get it for no reason and I think they appreciate it more when I just do it for no reason as well. There are many nights when they are sleep, I will kiss them on the forehead and appreciate the fact that I have 3 great kids.
Peace, Love and Chocolate
Tiffany
Seattle Slim
2 months ago
I liked this. I do this when I get in the door, because I find that asking them how their day went builds a rapport. If they can communicate with you over the little things, the big things will hopefully be easier.
Petra
2 months ago
Whether the Willie Lynch letter is a true event or not fact remains blacks as a whole do not bond together as a people. Many tend to blame others for their circumstances instead of fighting for themselves. Yes there is racism still in America. But within the black community and families there is so much jealously, back stabbing, deceitfulness and I am better than you attitudes it is sickening.
To much emphasis on things instead of people. I would never try to turn my daughters against one another, beat them, be deceitful or turn them against each other. They were taught about family bonding..Trusting and believing in each other. They were taught the most important strength was inside them. Looks, the color of their skin or the texture of their hair or the things they had isn’t the most important..it is their character. My job as a parent is to guide and protect them. I have taught them confidence and respect.
Within the black community some see color, hair texture, money and things as a higher status. To bad character isn’t the main focus. We all come in different colors. Lighter skin doesn’t make you better than darker skin. BLACK IS BLACK. Even within my family it was divided. In my neighborhood as a child I was called a yellow Ni**… I grew up with black on black racism. I didn’t know better.
As I matured I was saddened to see other nationalities embrace one another, be united and capable of growing as a team. However within my own it was light skin vs dark, good hair vs nappy, things were sign of success..yet I saw sadness, deceit and dishonor regardless of how much they made or how many things they had.
Rappers have more influence than parents. I hear kids cussing at parents then I hear how the parents talk to their kids and in front of them. If you don’t show guidance and give them respect as kids they will not know how to give it. Don’t let the music be their parents. Don’t let them sit in front of violent video games for hours or hang around you while you are with grownup friends.
Let them be kids. Take them to the park, swing with them, dance and sing with them. Read a book, take a walk and just listen to them. Tell them you love them, if you don’t someone else will even if they don’t mean it just to get what they want. Be available and make time for them. That phone call can wait…tell the caller you are busy with your child. I promise you will see your child’s eyes light up.
If you use drugs in front of them, have multiple sex partners, hit one another, don’t have or look for employment that is what you teach them. If having the latest car, clothes or jewelry is what makes you who you are as a person that is what you are teaching them.
If you can’t afford something let them know it. Teach them financial responsibility. Teach them to look for work and earn what they need. Let them know the wants can wait til they can afford it. No need to keep up with anyone. Teach them to be individuals not always part of a group.
Make sure they go to school..Education is one thing no one can take from them. Ignorance will never get them anywhere. Help them set realistic goals. Talk to them about their hopes and dreams. Help and guide them in reaching them.
Some of the same people that condemn the cops for abusing blacks are the same ones that deal drugs, disappear from their kid’s lives, put more emphasis on things and have no goals. You can’t blame society if you aren’t or haven’t been in your child’s life. You can’t complain when they go to jail for stealing when you didn’t teach them any better. If you allow them to disrespect you and others how do they learn the right way?
Kids learn by what they see..How their parents live..If you survive on food stamps, keep having babies outside of wedlock, have no goals and demean your people you keep the cycle going. If you don’t believe you deserve better how will your kids?
Every time I hear young people cussing every other word I walk up respectfully and ask them if what they are saying becomes clearer by cussing. Listening to young women spewing cuss words is so unattractive. I have even said, “Such ugly words coming out of a beautiful mouth”….Most times the young woman would apologize…More likely than not that is what she heard at home coming from her own mom. Young men calling each other Ni** and telling me it doesn’t mean anything. Term of endearment I have heard…I know then they don’t know history at all. That has never been a term of endearment. My brother, man, or anything else would suffice. But they hear it all the time at home, streets and in the music. There is no respect.
I have heard so many condemn Bill Cosby but he is real in saying we have to quit blaming. I raised mine..Not the television, friends, peers. neighbors, teachers, etc..I DID…..I made time for them and still do..I spent time with them and still do. I listened to them and still do…I talked to them and still do.
It is time to quit blaming the past, others and your circumstances and take responsibility for your actions. Stop the cycle…..If you don’t have time and make your children a priority you allow outside influences to get more respect than you.
Things aren’t important….People are..Especially those you bring into this world. Showing them how to love, respect and grow builds confidence and respect…Anything less than that makes them an option in your life..Not a priority..
Next time you see your brother or sister…Smile and say Hello…Just try it..It is contagious….
It is time for change…TIME TO STEP UP!!!
DeannDmere
2 months ago
While, I agree with you Petra^^..you were totally off topic!..lol.. Anyway, I do think that it is imperative to bond with our children and give them as many hugs and kisses as we possibly can. Make telling them that “We Love them ” a habit. We should be a representation of what they aspire to be!..
Sly
2 months ago
Geat column !!!
I myself was a child that didnt get much affection… But I based my whole childhood on mine… The exact opposite !!! I love my kids, I tell them daily. I also show it.
For example my son was to be picked up for school by his grandfather. My so called me and ask could I leave work and come get him. He had a quiver in his voice like he was about to cry. Even though I wasnt the one supposed to pick him up I felt I let him down. So I do 100 miles per hour going to get him. When he gets in I asked him did he call his mom. He said no. So i called his mom and cursed her out, then her dad and cursed him out. My son shouldnt had to be sad cause of a grown person’s negligence. I took him to McDonald’s(which is a treat my son has a strict diet during football seeason. which he came up with)and I told him why I cursed out all parties involved. He explained he only called me cause he knew I would come. I shed a few tears, my son has all the confidence in the world in me. Thats exactly why I do it.
I’m 29 and still waiting on my father to come get me from school. But f*** him…
I got my kids thats all we need is each other…
STEFANY
2 months ago
Unfortunately, PPP is a cycle. I remember one summer when I was at my cousin’s wedding I bumped into an old classmate. She was a high school dropout with 4 or 5 kids, and sadly her two twin daughters are hot in her tracks. But I look back when we were growing up, she is the product of a single mother raised in the projects with no father and no home training and she’s just repeating what was taught to her, bad parenting.
GreenEyez
2 months ago
Ms. Double E… Erica Edwards…you continue to be the “sunshine” in that child’s life. And just let him know no matter what he is special. He is sure to remember that over whatever abuse him Mother shells out to him. I’ll be praying for him. Great Article… and yes I do remember: Don’ t Open my door for NOBODY clause…its in the butt whopp’n handbook…LMAO.