Hey,

Just went back and read all the comments following article. My laughter has died down enough (trippin' at/on/with Nina up there :) so I can add a lil' something to the convo, even if just cosigning.

Nina, it's kool that you're firing up your old-school skillz of debate (I didn't quite believe you; felt it was covering up some inner-demons :) BUT I didn't quite discover your devil's-advocate position, so you done good covering that.

For some women who DO think like the-you-up-there think, when a man speaks the truth about what his take--and, usually, other guys' takes, as bar-talk/gym-talk/regular-ol'-hangout-time talk is absorbed--is regarding the male/female relationship FROM A MALE's PERSPECTIVE, it's amazing the resistance. Sometimes, I think we forget the general power of our opinions; meaning, we forget that no one person ever speaks for the entire group.

But on a whole other point, what someone mentioned up above about this not being an attack on women is so true. Pressure's merely expressing some things that, hopefully, won't be ignored once again by the masses (even by us dudes who hear these messages and incorporate them into our psyche--consciously and subcounsciously). And like the quick-hitting Ms. Loni said, "Men and women are so different." Well put. Means to understand one another, we'll have to learn from one another. I won't know how a rock thinks...until said rock opens up and expresses.

Well put, Pressure. Not much more needed to be added, as I think you covered it all.

All I've got to say to the mini-resume you left here Nina is kudos. Unfortunately, love don't pay the bills and while absolutely it is important in relationships, finances can, will and do destroy more marriages than any double digit number of years together can save. You don't want your daughters dating black men? You've done our whole species a favor on that one because poo that doesn't stink doesn't have to be seen either.

I am a single 30 something year old sista. I enjoyed the article. Men and women are so different. That's what makes relationships fun and hard at the same time.

(cont.) ... have me missing playing 'devil's advocate'.

My life is going well. I've returned to college to complete a Businesses Degree (previously, I studied Computer Science & Engineering), I'm in the best health of my life and looking forward to growing old w/ me 'haute' Husband! ;-)

My husband's career & the 21 yrs of service in the Reserved Forces is going well... he seems happy and still 'in love' w/ me... and there's still lots of 'fiya' burning (yep, we're both N'Awlins natives living in the A-T-L for the past decade)... so me very happy!

Our daughters are social butterflies who <3 cheerleading, tennis, fencing & orchestra... both are in gifted education and are a joy to Mother- 95% of the time. LOL

I simply wish for the youth in 'our' community to stop settling for the 'path of least resistance'... it's killing the option of future generations of successful black families. And I'd love to have grandchildren one day... sheeze!

That's exactly why we're rearing our intelligent, beautiful, talented daughters to expect to date and/ or marry anything BUT a black guy... at 12 & 7 they already know how a decent, mature, loving man treats a woman who <3 s him to death. They're being taught to expect similar treatment... the way my Daddy taught me. Unfortunately nowadays, many black families don't see the value in reinforcing the well-tested road to stable, successful, productive MANhood; instead, the ideal of "hustling" is being glorified as a path to success... and that's rather sad.

There's a difference between an intelligent, resourceful and resilient man and a "hustle man"...

Actually, I truly don't care about the points the author, Pressure, is making in his original posts... just miss the years of participating in speech and debate, and being the primary orator on HS and college Forensic Teams have

@Nina

I won't criticize you and your husband too much, 16 years in this marital climate is very, very good and equally rare. I tip my hat to y'all. The problem with your statement is exactly in your statement--your husband doesn't come from the same generation that Natural Black and I do. His values, morals and aspirations in life are significantly different than ours. What you might consider to be a "perfect husband" we might consider "a simp". I can't speak for Nat on this but for myself, marriage is low on the to do list, right after winning the lottery, and I don't have patience for women who aren't about the win themselves.

Whateva' Natural Black & Carlos ... y'all are the ones in "weak brother" fantasy land. I've been very happily married for the last 13 years to a REAL man (we've been together for 16)...and guess what? He doesn't, nor has he eva' espoused or reacted in a way that supports the "grown ass boy" sentiment raised by the chauvinist, pathetic. "Reality

One thing I've noticed about my sistas is that truth often times must taste like cod liver oil because anytime an opinion is formed that contradicts the "independent sista" creto they start jumping down the guy's throat. When I read this piece it seemed a compliment to women, saying that what is on a lot of times on our minds.

1. Even with the spate of career talk you see about, the majority of television, print, forum and overhead talk between women are centered mainly around women dealing with men. We want a woman who believes in her own beauty enough to not need validation from us. We appreciate that we have input but it's not necessary.

2.Natural Black said it best on that one. All men aren't dogs, the majority enjoys a little rousing sex (who doesn't?) but if given the choice we're not going to smut a good woman out.

3.Seeing a girl with a new pair of Prada frames or a Dooney & Burke bag doesn't make me think of her as trendy, it makes me think of what she could've done with that money. I'd rather holla at a woman in dusty overalls coming out of the hardware store she's leasing for that $2000 instead.

4. What you say is important but in my experiences it's been that the message has always been wrapped in emotions and too difficult to get to the heart of without distracting myself. Be CLEAR!

I dont get the heat being thrown in the other comments. Dude is pretty much spot on with everything he said.Don't look so hard for negatives.Maybe thats why yall sound so bitter.

And for real all men arent dogs. If all you atract is dogs maybe you should be working on your judgement skills.

To me, this post says:
1) "Self-love and self-acceptance are important parts of a healthy relationship with your own identity. But be careful not to love yourself TOO much or in the wrong ways, because men might not like that, and they are, of course, in a position to judge female identities and the value of women."
2) I'll give you this one, but stating that women should potentially disregard previous experiences with men and the way they have been treated by men may involve putting themselves at risk...why don't you let women judge the type of person they want to be with for themselves.
3) "Women are vapid consumers and define themselves by their ability to spend money with the end purpose of pleasing the male gaze. Rather than being empowered individuals able to make independent decisions about when and how to leverage their economic power, they should be reassured that they shouldn't shop because it confirms how vapid and short-sighted they are. If men don't care, why do something? Only men can validate your self worth anyway..."
4) "It is unrealistic to expect that your thoughts and opinions will be met with respect and concern. Caring is feminine, thus men do not have to care and women should not expect to feel safe and secure in a caring relationship in which their voices are heard."

This post is really patriarchal, playing into gender stereotypes that have been harmful in the past and continue to create inequalities. I don't think it's a fair representation of a progressive, informed male voice.

Hmmmm, I actually really enjoyed this article. Good job Mr. Pressure.

Umm... don't know who sourced this posting, but it seems like someone I'd neva' care to know... like some "grown ass boy" *ish!

Take No. 1... There is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG w/ women loving themselves... PERIOD! It's called confidence, or when guys exude it- swagger.

Also, what does it say about YOU that you'd take a prideful, lustful woman home, have sex with her... THEN quibble about "not wanting to share your pillow mint" afterwards? ... Yeee-eeaah! Sounds like more "grown boy *ish"... SMH.

On to No. 2... I say, "if it QUACKS like a DUCK, waddles like a duck..." wanna take a guess at how it'll MOST LIKELY behave? ... just say'n. NOT buying that line- have had far too many male pals who confided in me otherwise.

Know some who can "talk it up"... ya' know- they've been "saved"- but as always, ACTIONS speak louder than words, bruh.

Number 3. "Umm...DUH!" I never thought living under a mountain of debt was too sensible anyway, but for the record...

I don't like getting up off my hard-earned money for MOI, so rest assured, you desiring to "go dutch" would NOT be an incentive for me to hang out w/ ya' on a date... that's what my guy pals are for... c'mon son!

Finally, No. 4... Well, that just about sums up how you REALLY feel, eh? Doesn't rate that high on the 'Give-A-Damn' meter... kinda' figured that out from the tone of ya' first three "Things Women should take to Heart"... # FAIL!!