For some couples, no matter what time frame determined the outcome of wedding bells, I often wonder is it true love or obligation that carried them to the alter? My examination ends, when the vows have been said. As a single woman, I can no longer relate, and would like to leave mystery for my own experience when and if I ever become a wife. However, what I’ve gathered from the dating scene thus far ranges from comedy to disappointment in getting to the chapel. Both parties, male and female, have redefined the expectations in dating versus mating, which now leads to an over extension in singlehood, having pseudo relationships to reap the benefits of sex and love, and marriages ending far too soon. Previous generations courted in a respectful manner for the other person’s affection. If a man or a woman looked for a sexual encounter with no strings attached, there were and still are prostitutes designated for that purpose alone. Men and women alike are giving it up too soon to stay relevant, and the potential of being a mate has a slim chance. Once upon a time, because of societal expectations and standards, this was not tolerated.

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A Rule in Dating – They say with in the first few minutes of an encounter, a women knows if she will sleep with a man. It doesn’t say sleeping with him before getting to know what you desire will produce a relationship. There is no time stamp on making the bed rock, get to know each other first. Then, make an informed decision about the potential. If not, you can end up getting physically involved with a pedophile, stalker, abuser, or a person that will take you to hell and back with no true reward worth it unless you have a back built like an Ox to carry all that baggage received. Men, this goes double for you, all I have is this equation, (CRAZY + BABY + MOMMA = I Love my seed, but I wish It was with someone else!). What You See is What You Get: Sex is just sex and nothing more until you two become parents and that’s when the Magic Happens, black magic or good magic, you guys are bound forever.

A Rule in Mating – Boundaries can be a great business merger if negotiated for success! In getting to know someone, both parties can lay their cards on the table, and yes, you can even negotiate with a trump card also called a “condom”. This way, while you are getting to know the person, if your boundaries are not crossed, when your feelings become involved you will have some clarity in addressing the situation, and determining what the next level will be with no long term obligations such as std’s and children. I absolutely cringe when I hear a woman argue her point with a man about his involvement with other women, and I immediately think to myself, “ Is he really her man?”, “ Is she insecure?” or a “ Drama Queen?” There is room for growth when you both discuss what you want right now, and protect yourself accordingly. I encourage abstinence, as I have learned that sex does not produce a seed of emotional connection if the environment is only lust, nothing short of an orgasm can grow from it, if you’re lucky.

The bottom line is not to get into a debate about labels and how the dating experience can perpetuate stereo types about the hoes vs. the good girls, or the dog’s vs. the good guys. This mention is to address how we can respectfully stay in the lane of what we set out when engaging in dating vs. mating potential. At the end of the day you should be a representative of your expectations when venturing out and meeting the next person you decide is merely short term company or a long term companion.

By: Keisha Wilson

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