The “man box” is a sociological creation that places men in a hypothetical box which inhibits their behavior. It is this box that guides their reactions to situations in life and also directs their behavior overall. Anthony Porter is co-founder of “A Call to Men,” a national organization addressing domestic and sexual violence prevention and the promotion of healthy manhood. In the video below, he goes in depth about the “man box” and how it has affected his and other male’s ideas on sex, women, and what it means to be a man. While I do agree that men should be allowed to cry, feel vulnerable, weak, fearful and any other emotions that they are having at the moment without being judged; the traditional woman in me still expects for a man to be the pillar of strength. For the man to be the leader and protector of his home. I feel that his crying should not take away from his strength or him being seen as strong. No more than it would a woman. This is in part because of how I was raised and the men in my life who I admired that displayed this duality. Their crying or softness did not devalue them as men in my eyes.

Admit it. Men And Women Need Each Other

I do not think that Porter would disagree with my thoughts. I do however think that he thinks it is necessary for both men and women to feel whole and being emotionless is not the road to that. Everyone is owed the right to be able to address their thoughts and emotions in front of whomever without being deemed as weak or less than. I agree with him wholeheartedly on that. Even I had to realize that as I was being foolish by not allowing my nephew who is 7 years old to cry, or to express to me his fears without my being annoyed. In my mind, he is a little Black boy and he needs to learn now that he will have to be strong because of the challenges that society will throw at him as a Black man one day. I still do not think there is nothing wrong with grooming him into being equipped mentally to handle these challenges. However, he must also feel comfortable in expressing emotions other than anger, frustration and rage. As a man, these emotions must not be all that defines him. Him growing into a well rounded man is even more important to me than him only knowing how to be strong. Or being afraid of being emasculated because of his emotions. No one should be expected to be strong, emotionless, and fearless at all times.

Admittedly, I tend to also be hard on my younger female cousins as well. Although they will one day grow up to be Black women, I do not feel that society will be much easier on them as opposed to their male counterparts. After watching this video, it made me rethink my own behavior even with them. I tend to allow them to cry a little longer but not much longer. I expect them to also be able to quickly pick themselves up and move on. Why? Because that is what strong Black women do. We do not sit and dwell on things; we find solutions and move on. We bottle up any emotions other than anger. Hell, we are not even expected to mourn a loss but to instead quickly pick ourselves back up and move on. Both Black men and Black women alike are often expected to only be strong and never show any real emotions other than anger. Watching this video has made me question my own reactions to their display of emotions.

Black Women, Do You Grieve?

I also appreciated the fact that Porter touched on how the way men view themselves in this box directly affects how they view and treat women. Being labeled as though you are acting like a girl is a direct response to the idea that there is something wrong with girls or women. The idea that women are somehow less than. Dehumanizing women is the direct path to feeling justified in treating a woman without regard or respect. It all is in relation to how some men view sex and categorize women as objects for penetration and satisfaction. Being thought of as anything outside of “the man box” is shameful to some men. I encourage everyone to take a look at the video because he will get into more depth on these ideas.