As the complaints about Black women not being able to find a man keep rolling in via the media and Steve Harvey, I find myself drifting to a blissful place in the wonderful world of single-ville. A place where I can relax and enjoy peace of mind, a heart full of self love/acceptance, time to heal, improve from my past relationships, and focus on anything under the sun, until Mr. I Love You not for play sweeps me away. Unexpectedly, without realization, I bought my ticket years ago. I’m having a blast on my extended vacation. I still acknowledge that I have a duty to uphold to the best of my ability to embrace all that comes with being single and work on being the best me for the next relationship. Yes, I said duty! Are you surprised? Contrary to what some may see in singles, we have a desire to be loved and found a good balance between what happens right now, and what can happen later. Being single is not a label. It’s a temporary layover and way of life that at some point, everyone will visit before traveling into a relationship or a lifetime commitment. No one can stay forever, consider this article as your packing list when embarking upon your journey.
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Singleness can come as a pleasant surprise, so pack lightly. There may be no time to gather and collect all the emotional strength needed to walk away, accept rejection, or leave on good terms. In some cases, I’ve observed people in conflicted relationships, as they’re becoming fed up, an item goes into their luggage one by one. Insecurities, the thought of failure/failing, questioning why this person doesn’t love or respect them, holding on for the sake of comfort, guilt complexes, bills, kids, and selfish tendencies are all thrown into a rollie bag and dragged from place to place. This is the epitome of emotional baggage. Spending too much time on making a decision in some cases can warrant more time spent packing as this should be only applicable to certain factors. Children, financial stability, and the possibility of seeking counsel are factors to consider before proceeding. When there’s continual cheating, disrespect, any type of abuse, or a genuine feeling of “this sucks”, a person shouldn’t have too much baggage to carry willfully. Think about it, as a person is out in the world, moving from grocery stores, work, shopping, nightclubs, and so on, is there a place to check bags? Or do you see those bags proverbially in someone’s face, demeanor, and they are avoided?
Fault or not, a person can hit a breaking point, and say to “hell” with it. Not, I can do bad all by myself. I hate hearing the walking/talking quoting Tyler Perry folks as they wait in line to check bags and board to embark on an amazing journey. Their baggage can over load and crash the plane. People should embrace anything that supports an exit from a relationship. For a while, I climbed the walls with a “woe is me, I’m all alone” attitude. Then one day, I woke up and threw myself an unpacking bon voyage party. I began to think of all the good things being single can do for me. I learned there’s a feeling when you fall in love, and it’s applicable to falling out of love. How about falling in love with myself, working on my “A” game and ridding myself of the negativity I contributed to. The time spent in an unhappy relationship was greater than the time I spent cleaning out my suitcases. I created a playlist for my life, finding things to keep me motivated and looking at the glass as being half full versus half empty. After taking a long look at the items in my bag, I reenacted the infamous “Waiting To Exhale” Bernie scene, tossed the lighter, and walked away flawlessly from all the things that kept me weighed down. In making my load lighter, as I moved forward to the line, rebuilding and reinventing were the only things required to carry on. When landing, everything else will be waiting along with someone holding a welcome sign to travel with you to the next part of the journey, make sure you have room in the bag for happiness!
By: Keisha Wilson
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