I knew if I watched the “negrocity” that is VH1’s Love and Hip-Hop at least one more time; it would inspire a topic for me to throw myself into. “Negrocity” and coonery never lets me down. However, this time, the subject it not so much a hood thing, rather a universal problem that women of all ages and ethnicities have experienced at least once in their life. A man that you love and his crazy a** momma.

In this case, I am referencing Jim Jones, Chrissy and his mother as the jumping off point. The love that Jim Jones has for his mother is admirable. It is obvious that they are both very attached to one another and appreciate their relationship. However, am I the only one that thinks that Jim Jones’ mother, though sweet under her hard, slightly crack-headish looking shell, needs to promptly remove her nipple firmly from her son’s mouth? Surely, I can’t be. The idea that the mother truly believes that she should be placed above all others and at all times, including her son’s long time girlfriend is unrealistic. Quite frankly if I was Chrissy I would politely tell her to please “get her a** out of here”. What? I said politely.

Seriously, how long can a mother, a grown woman herself who knows how difficult it can be to maintain an meaningful adult relationship in our society of reality show hook-ups, realistically expect to be the number one woman in her grown a** son’s life for all eternity? How long should she expect to intrude in his adult love life? Naturally, this does not mean that her role should be dismissed just because her son has a new lady in his life, however boundaries must be addressed to these mommy dearests.

There are women who agree with Jim Jones mom’s philosophy of debilitating your son by being his mother and girlfriend simultaneously and feel that they should always be top choice, and top priority at all times in their sons life. She is not alone. To them I say, STOP! You are ruining him for his wife. One day, your son will be a husband to someone. A leader of a household. When this happens he needs to be able to have a strong, stable relationship with his wife and understand that her needs, their life together should come first, more often than not. This is what a MAN does. A momma’s boy who may be going through some suppressed Oedipus Complex issues, not as much.

In no way do I want anyone who is reading this to get the impression that a son cannot be close to his mother or should abandon her once he finds love. I encourage this bond and hope to have the same with my son one day. A mother is the first woman in a man’s life and she gives him the first impression of how a woman should behave. However, being under the ideology that she should be first and foremost in her son’s life for all of time is irrational of and mother and quite selfish. How can he grow with the woman of his life if you won’t let him be free? He won’t become a man. Instead he will constantly run back to his mom for security whenever his woman or wife upsets him instead of attempting to compromise and work their problems out in a healthy manner. The mother will be there to say “See baby I told you that these women are no good. That is why you can’t trust them. Momma loves you..etc”. Another source of debilitation for him because he will feel that he should not have to grow with a woman, or work out their issues. Why? He always will have momma to fall back on as the main lady in his life. You are not his woman mom. Unless you want him to be alone for the rest of his life, then you are setting him up for disaster. Eventually you will not be there to be with him.

A man who is married or approaching that point with the woman in his life must move past this. It is one thing to be a momma’s boy and then it is another to have momma issues. You have chosen your life companion. The woman of your dreams. She should come first more often than not. Even above your mother. Personally, I will be damned if I am the one washing your clothes, cooking, cleaning, helping you grow, building with you, and not to mention giving you some outstanding loving in more ways than one(I’m just saying) and I have to come second to your Mom.

What do you say? Should the mom always take a top priority in a man’s life? Is it okay as long as he is not married to her? Once he does get married should that change?