While snooping on the web today, I came across an article on The Root which discussed a study that compared the statistics for women of different races who had kids by several different men. The following is a snippet taken directly from the article.

Linda Carroll of MSNBC is reporting that one in five of all American moms have kids who have different birth fathers, a new study shows. And when researchers look only at moms with two or more kids, that figure is even higher: Twenty-eight percent have kids with at least two different men.Dorius’ study, which was presented Friday at the annual meeting of the Population Association of America, examined data from nearly 4,000 U.S. women who had been interviewed more than 20 times over a 27-year period.Dorius found that a multiple-father type of family structure was more common among minority women, with 59 percent of African-American mothers, 35 percent of Hispanic mothers and 22 percent of White mothers reporting children with more than one father. Women with low income and little education were also more likely to have children with different birth fathers.

You know what I thought when I read the statistics from this study? It was not that Black women were somehow more whorish than White women. Or that Black women are having more sex overall than White women. What came to my mind was that sistas, my Hispanic sistas included, are not “protecting their necks”. They are not valuing their temples like they should. They are having less safe sex than women of other races. This also tells me that we are not taking the time to get to know the men that we are dealing with before allowing them to enter our bodies without a condom. We are going from man to man and not truly getting to know the men we are having sex with to see if they are even worthy of our bodies.

In other words, instead of making the men that we are dealing with put on condoms we are giving in to the urge of the moment and letting them slide right inside of us bare. Instead of going to the Planned Parenthood nearest our homes and applying for free birth control and other contraceptives we are using that time for other less important activities. It also tells me that we are having unprotected sex with multiple men despite the very real threat of disease. This information tells me that we are not loving ourselves the most and protecting our bodies. We are instead placing that responsibility on the men we are dealing with. We are expecting that the men we are dealing with are going to be responsible for our livelihood and our health. The idea of any woman entrusting her body so willingly, so effortlessly, to a man that she is not married to and then doing the same yet again to a new man shortly after, worries me greatly. What are we thinking ladies?

I will never forget the words my mom told me about dating, sex and men when I first embarked into the world of dating. “It is not HIS job to make sure that you are protected from disease and unwanted pregnancy. So don’t expect him to. It is YOUR job to make sure that you are protected. It is YOUR job to make sure that he has a condom on. It is YOUR job to get the prescription from the doctor for birth control or to take advantage of free programs in your neighborhood that provide free birth control pills. If you are waiting on a man to protect your health as a woman then you are highly mistaken and surely are setting yourself up for disaster and disappointment.” Making a man, specifically one that you are not married to or have not been in a long term relationship with protect himself and you does not mean that you love him any less or take away the value of the relationship. It does mean that you love yourself. There is never anything wrong with that even if he attempts to convince you that there is.

To this day, I consider this advice in my life as an adult woman. My wish is that other women would also see the urgency in not only loving the man you are with but loving yourself more. Loving yourself enough to want to go to great lengths to prevent yourself from being a statistic. Black women may not be whores but they do lack in the skill of self preservation.

What it also tells me is that we are not installing values of self worth into our young daughters. The pattern of putting a man’s desires before your own self worth is still very much an issue. It is one that we pass down to our daughters from them seeing our behavior with men. We are not equipping our daughters with the tools necessary to combat the trap of becoming a statistic. We are not discussing safe sex with them enough, condoms and urging birth control. One mention of “You bet not get pregnant!” is not enough Mothers. What are you going to do to ensure that she knows how to protect herself and understands the urgency in doing so? The more important question is, now that we are equipped with this information, what are we going to do about it?

Quote Taken From The Root

The audio is not in sync completely in this one. It is my first video. Will work out the issues.

This video the audio is better