This post was inspired by my dearest and close friend who was recently told that she was a “gold digging bi**h” by an unemployed brotha because she was honest enough to tell him that she would rather not date him while he is unemployed with two kids. She felt that he was not financially stable enough at this time to court her the way she prefers to be courted. Ladies, I must scream this from the top of the mountain it is not your responsibility, burden, calling in life etc to chose to date, or deal with a man that is broke. Choosing not to do so has less to do with being a gold digger and more to do with being a decisive woman. You know what you want in life and a broke man is not one of those things.

Ladies, Learn NOT Toi Give Too Much Too Soon

For years women, Black women in particular have been told that if they were not ride or die chicks and stayed with a brotha while he was down and out and had nothing that they weren’t s**t. So what do we do? Buy into the hype and remain loyal. We are the ones who stay down while he is locked up, on probation can’t even take you across the street to the corner store, hustling on the block because he does not want to work, or working a 9-5 on and off, never really providing you with stability. He can’t even take you to a descent restaurant but he wants to lay up in your house waiting on your to cook something to eat. While years later once he has found his footing in life, perhaps he finally finished college, or got into his dream career, and is more financially equipped he drops you, for a White woman. The same White woman who would not have s**t to do with him when all he had was his monthly bus card. But in her case, it is acceptable for her to be bold about her supposed “gold digging” qualities without receiving any hostility from men. Why? Because she is a White woman and is expected to want only the best out of life.

White women train their daughters not to date broke men from the time they are young. Look at the Kardashians. The mother Kris Jenner trained her daughters well. If you are going to date a Black man, please don’t make it a broke one. She can do this because she is a White woman and it is expected of her to teach her daughters to only want the best. The best man with the best job, career, car, home.

While Black women are expected to be the ones to pick a man up when he is down. To give him her last dollar, wipe a brotha’s snotty nose and make him feel like a man when the entire world seems to be against him. If she decides to split then she is a disloyal bi**h.

Who the hell made these rules? I call bulls**t on this ideology and I want you to see it for just that. It is never and I mean never your duty to stay with a man who is broke. If you decide to do it because you love him and want to only be with him whether you are living in a mansion or a box on the street. I can respect that as well. However, I can also respect a chick who makes what my mom calls an “executive decision” over their life and decides that they do not want to be a ride or die chick and be down through the broke days while he figures out what he wants to do with his life. Either decision should not cause you to be crucified for it by anyone. Especially not him.

This is why I could never jump on the band wagon of accusing Lisa Raye of being a gold digger. It is 2011 and I declare that we put an end to the word “gold digger”. No she is not and nor are women like her. What they are are women who know what they want from life. They understand themselves. They know what they can accept from a man and what they cannot. Every woman’s tolerance level varies. They know what characteristics they want their dream men to embody. Ain’t nothing wrong with that baby girls.

It is no different than a man who will only date/marry a woman who cooks and does his laundry and caters to him constantly. He realizes this quality is important in his choice in a mate. I don’t knock him for it either. He is a man who knows what he wants. Or a man who prefers to date a woman with a big butt. He knows what qualities he prefers in a woman and he should not have to settle for less. Or a man who wants an educated woman. He has taken the time out to decide for himself what traits, characteristics, qualities, are the most important to him in the opposite sex and that so happens to be one of them. Ain’t nothing wrong with that either.

This comes down to knowing yourself. It comes down to understanding your hearts desires and accepting them. Of course as it is in many things in life, there are consequences to your choice. Sure you might marry a guy who has money and can provide you with the lifestyle you desire but he may not be able to spend as much time with you because he works a lot. This is a consequence to the characteristic you wanted in a man. Only that woman can decide if it is worth it. Sure your woman might cook, clean, wash your drawls, do whatever the hell you say like a trained soldier but she may not be that worldly. She may depend on you a lot more financially. She may also be more sheltered than a more outspoken career driven woman who may not be available as often to wash your clothes and cook ever night. She may require your guidance in life. This my friend is also a consequence of the characteristics you chose in a woman. There are always two sides to every decision.

It is 2011 and a woman should never be labeled a gold digger. She is merely a woman who knows what her heart desires. What the heart wants, the heart wants.