In my 27 years, I’ve been on maybe 5 dates. I’m quite frustratingly married and I focus most romantic attention on teasing my 5-year-old about how fine Prince Naveen is. So, there’s my first disclaimer — I’m no dating or relationship expert. In fact, I’m probably the furthest thing from it.

Now for my second disclaimer: Another milestone in my 27 years is that I have yet to read the entire bible, can’t quote you a single scripture and am always baffled when confronted with a “What Would Jesus Do” challenge. That being said, I have no business putting in my two cents on religion and dating, but because my only other alternative for the moment is a riveting expose on how fine the Frog Prince was, I’m going to give it a shot. So the argument: Wait for God to send you Prince Charming or go out there and find him yourself?

The Godly Way:

The word does say ask and you shall receive. And in my experience God does what He does in his own way and in his own time. And to be fair whether you’re looking or not, spiritually speaking, you’re probably not going to find Mr. Right, until God is ready for you to find him. The key idea in this approach is patience. I’ve had a lot of girlfriends take this approach, but it usually comes after years of chasing the wrong men and just being tired of tossing out the duds. There’s a point where they — as the saying goes — “Let Go and Let God.” Unfortunately there’s not always “Voilà” effect associated with this method.

What you’ll usually find when you’re waiting on God to do something, is that he’s waiting for you to do something first. Perhaps in the past you were searching for the wrong things. If you’re waiting on God to deliver you a payday you may miss out on the man that God knows can make you happy.

Then there is the Go-Getter Way:

On the other-hand, God helps those who help themselves and there’s nothing wrong with being proactive about meeting your future husband or S.O. The thing about most of my Go–getter girlfriends is that, they know exactly what they want and where to go to get it. They know that after 4 years with their on-again, off-again go-to-boo, they’re not going to find the man of their dreams at the club or at the class reunion. They are very focused, but like my righteous sisters, that focus can translate into narrow-minded discrimination against potential mates. Let’s face it: There is not an abundance of Denzel Washington-looking Black men, making six figures, with no kids and good credit … Oh yeah, who aren’t on the DL. A lot of the frustration for my go-getters comes from the pool of men they limit themselves to under the guise that they don’t want to settle for less.

No matter what you’re strategy is, I believe God is going to lead you to Mr. Right. As a woman of faith I have to believe that if things aren’t going the way you want it’s because God is in the process of alerting you to Mr. Wrong. In the mean time there’s nothing wrong with putting yourself out there. Go on dates, meet new people and if you’re determined to do it God’s way, join a church social group.
Most churches have singles groups just for that purpose.

Likewise for my go-getters, keep your head up, and take a good look at your decision making processes. And like the church-folk, there are social groups out there dedicated to helping singles find meaningful relationships.

So whose in better shape? It’s hard to say. The bible says that God helps those who help themselves. The question is when to let go and let God so to speak? If I were a betting girl, I’d put my money on God, but that’s another argument in itself. Thoughts?

Written By: June C. Straight