“I’m not cooking ish for any man”. A statement that reflects some of the attitudes of women of all races, ages and backgrounds. The simple act of cooking for the man you are in a relationship with or just dating can cause a bit of an uproar in certain circles. The problem is that the opinions on this topic are so varied and wide that it is often difficult to find a common ground on the subject.

For some women, cooking for a man is no longer a necessity and the act is even thought to be beneath them. Many are now more career oriented, and feel that men are fully capable of cooking for themselves. The idea of them cooking for him signifies that he sees her as subordinate in some way.

While other women don’t feel womanly unless they are in the kitchen; oven mitt in hand. The women who refuse to cook feel that way for several reasons. Perhaps they don’t enjoy the actual act of cooking. Perhaps they feel that the man they are dating does not quite deserve it. Deserve it! What does that mean? I can hear the fellas charging now. Well, for some women the act of taking care of a man is a sign of them giving of themselves. It is an extension of their love, adoration and emotions towards this man. So, for some women, cooking is not a gift that they bestow upon just an average dude who has just been hanging around for a few months. They save that type of “care” for a man that they feel has proven himself worthy. Yeah, I said it. Proven himself worthy of that type of care and attention.

“She Is Cute For A Big Girl”- Compliment Or Diss In Disguise?

I know that some men are reading this and thinking that too much thought is being placed into the act of cooking. That this is something that she should be willing to do regardless of the depth of their relationship. After all, it’s just cooking. But it is not that simple for every woman. There are women who attach emotions towards acts. We all know the ideology that women attach feelings to sex. Well, include cooking in that as well.

Then there are women who feel like why cook? Cooking for a man won’t make him stay faithful, love you any more or less, or cherish you any more. You could be cooking, ironing, doing laundry etc and he still might cheat on you. Why exert the extra effort? Is it really necessary? Especially, if it is something that they themselves don’t enjoy doing. I can empathize with this to a point. Cooking can be long, tedious, and it’s never fun to be in a hot kitchen. Especially, for someone who clearly does not deserve the effort.

Bottom line is that when a woman is in love with a man, I mean truly in love, she will do things for him that she might not have ever done for any other men in her life. Just as a man will be willing to do the same for the woman he adores. So if she is refusing to cook for you fellas, and you have been dating for an extended period of time then maybe you should assess how into you she is. Are you treating her like she is special? Do you love her the way she feels she deserves? Is she truly happy with you? Of course this is not how every woman operates, but most.

Is cooking for a man really necessary? Here is my advice ladies: Don’t do anything that you don’t feel comfortable with doing. This includes cooking. Cook because you want to cook and feel that he is worthy of the effort. That way, if things go sour, you won’t feel like you gave you entire heart and soul to a man that did not appreciate it and leave crying the “oh woe its me song” that I hear so many of my homegirls crying. Also, if you give to him and he refuses to give back then… STOP GIVING! Shut it down! I can’t urge this enough! There is no need for you to set yourself up to be a martyr for love. People appreciate people who have an appreciation for themselves. Men are not exempt from this theory. I always tell ladies, use your common sense that God gave you. If you are giving 110%, cooking, cleaning, loving him with all of your heart and body and in every way and he won’t even share a cracker with you, then that is your queue to pull it back. You are giving too much. Love does not require you to give every bit of your soul only to be left feeling used and depreciated in value. If something is telling you not to give your all to a man, then don’t. If that includes not cooking for him, because you have your reservations about extending that part of your heart just yet, then so be it.

Do I cook for my man? I sure do. I feel he deserves it and cooking for him is an extension of me showing my love for him. But beleive me, if I thought for a moment that he wasn’t taking care of me, loving me the way I deserve, that the love was not being reciprocated, or he wasn’t doing things for me that I appreciated then it would get shut down. I would have no reservations about it. He would fix his own sandwhich.