I must admit that as a woman there is not much that I can’t do for myself. As a matter of fact, my alter ego wears a red bandana; her sleeves are rolled up and she has Rosie the Riveter tattooed all over her body. She’s hard! And, so am I. I can change a light bulb, take out the trash and complete basic home-improvement projects. I don’t really need a man’s help.

I know how to jack up my car, get out the t-wrench, unscrew the tire bolts and change my own flat tire. When there’s no other able body around and a piece of furniture needs to be moved, I can use my brawn and my brains to relocate anything weighing under a few hundred pounds. When the bills need to get paid, I don’t mind doing hard labor or working two and three jobs just to make ends meet. My kids gotta eat and I most definitely ain’t gonna let my family starve. So, You see, there is nothing – and I do mean nothing – that a man can do for me that I can’t do for myself. Ladies, you know what I mean. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I know what you’re thinking. Here goes another “I-got-this-and-I-don’t-need-a-man-type” she-male. Right? Well, not exactly.

Ladies, You Can’t CONVINCE A Man That You’re Special. So Don’t Try.

Just because I CAN do it for myself, doesn’t mean I want to or that I am supposed to. What I – and I think I can speak for most women – truly desire is a man who CAN and WANTS to do it for me, with my help – OF COURSE. Hence, the word helpmate. The problem is that today these men are few and far in-between. They want respect – some demand it – but they don’t have what it takes, in most cases, to earn it.

I mean, it’s hard enough to find a black man (brothers, listen up because I am about to tell you why sisters have finally begun toying with the idea of dating outside of their race) who encompasses all that society tells us we need in order to be Claire Huxtable.

Only an estimated 35 percent of our men graduate from college, according to the Journal of Blacks in Higher Education. One out of eight of them is serving or will serve time in prison and will undoubtedly join the unemployment or underemployment line when they get out.

We’re not even going to talk about how many of them are doing the “down-low-bro” thang or just plain doing NOTHING at all, except maybe working on their rap-game. We’ll save these topics for another day. So sisters feel like they can do bad or BETTER all by themselves. Then, when they do find a man with “potential” – who either has a good job, takes care of his kids, has no kids and maybe a few college courses or a full degree – they’re either too smart or too good to get dirty and fulfill the traditional role of a “good ol’ American black man”, the kind that used to work until dusk, take care of home and his woman and didn’t complain about it or sit on the couch playing video games all night. Yet, they come home asking “Woman, where’s my dinner?” The response: “Fool, it’s in the trash, which hasn’t been taken out in a week.”
So whose fault is it that our black men aren’t fulfilling what God intended for them to be and black women are becoming increasingly independent and unappreciative of the afro-male species? Some women may not want to hear this … but primarily it’s us!

Yes. Society and history have played their roles too, but ignorance is bliss. Take notes ladies. Our once strong mandingo men were whipped, beaten and humiliated in front of us some 200 years ago. To date, like the Willie Lynch Letter suggested they would for some 300 years, these alienated marks can still be seen on the psychomatic backs of African-American men and women.

Most of our men feel like they’ve struggled too long and hard historically, picking blue collar cotton, that now all they want is instant gratification without the labor it cost to produce. Getting and keeping a black woman the right way is – as I have heard many of them say – TOO much work. They want everything easy. Including their women. Give them the bling, or they’ll take it and/or die trying – Money +Power = Respect – even if it’s unearned. And, the “B****es” will follow. This has been symbolized, marketed and undoubtedly reproduced. Don’t believe me? Take a look at the goals of our young men. Where do we as women come in? Well, we’ve historically fallen prey to the “strong black woman, frequented by no good black men” ideology. As Black women, what do you think our next move shoud be?

Written By: Frenchi Jones