Ladies, we are ruining our sons. Not all of us but some. Some Black mothers are making mistakes, most out of love and fear, that are preventing their young Black sons to be the kings that they were destined to be. This is especially for the single mother who are unfortunately forced to play the role of mother and father to the best of her ability. Role duality can take a toll on anyone so my heart goes out to you. I understand that your job is not an easy one and is sometimes one that can be draining especially when it is done solo. However, you have been given the greatest job one could have. Raising a child.
This is a call for concern. I am seeing the same sickening pattern repeated year after year because the same mistakes are being made when rearing our sons. At some point our sons have to be on their own and be the men that they choose to be. However, I am a firm believer that how he is raised will play a solid role in that choice. The energy spent on making sure your son has the best sneakers or is the best dressed should be spent on making him an emotionally stable well rounded man. As the proverb says, it takes a village to raise a child, so please feel free to add on more advice in the comments.
1. Stop Co-Signing His Whorish Behavior
It is disturbing to see women who encourage their sons when they find out they have several girlfriends who have no idea about each other. Comments like “My son is a playa!” and “All the girls love my son!”. That may be true but that does not mean that you should encourage him to cheat on women and lie to them about them being the only one he is dealing with. Some women think it is “cute” for their son to be a woman magnet and it is understandable that if he is attractive then yes women will gravitate towards him. That is not the problem. The problem derives from you allowing him to date several girls at the same time and lie to them about his loyalty to them. Remember, it was not cute when some man did it to you.
2. Stop Making Excuses For His Bad Boy Behavior
Countless times I have seen mothers on the news crying and hollering about how their son was such a “good boy” and they have no idea why someone would want to hurt them, or why they were arrested for shooting all those people. Then the interview goes to people in the neighborhood who knew this young man and they paint a totally different picture about him. They say how he was a hoodlum and sold drugs, hung with the wrong crowd, was known for carrying a gun and so on…. What do these two contrasting opinions mean? Someone is not facing reality. Every mother wants to believe that they have a son who is a good boy but the truth is that if your son is a bad a** then he is a bad a**. If he is among the group of kids that are terrorizing the neighborhood and involved in illegal activities then your denial of his behavior and constant excuse making for him will not save him from being on a slab in the morgue nor will it save you the embarrassment of being the lady on the news who swears that her son was such a “good boy”. The energy you spend in defending his name and honor could be spent on you being honest about the type of person your son is turning into and a possible resolution to that.
Study Shows That Little Black Boys Are Inferior To White Boys
3. Let Go Of The Guilt
Alot of mothers who are raising young men are in a position of constant guilt because many of them are raising them without a father figure. To make up for the guilt they allow their sons to manipulate them emotionally and coddle him to no end. In other words they allow him to do things that they know deep down are unhealthy for them but the guilt they feel outweighs their good judgment. Don’t allow guilt to be the guide to your conscious and decision making in raising your son. Also, if there are any positive male role models in his life, allow him to spend as much time with them as he can. Just because his biological father is not present, does not mean he cannot still be nurtured by another male role model.
Are You Raising A Good Black Woman?
4. Don’t Put Pressure On Him To Be Older Than He Is
I do believe in raising a boy into a good man but that takes years to accomplish. Often mothers who do not have a man in the house put that pressure on their sons at a very early age to feel the void. It starts out with little names like “my little man” or “moma’s little man”. He is not a man if he is under that age of 18. In some cases even at 18 he still has not acquired all the life lessons it takes to be a well rounded man. Don’t make him grow up faster than necessary.
5. Responsibility Is A Must
Once your son comes to a certain age, he should have more responsibility. I hate to see mothers coddle their sons to the point where they refuse to even make him move out of the house. I can’t help but to scratch my head and wonder to myself: Isn’t this dude almost 30? Why is he still living at home? Mothers think that they are helping them but they are in fact doing him more harm. They are a sheltering him to the point where he has no idea as to how to pay bills regularly, manage his money, prioritize new sneakers or hanging out at the club over paying a bill, etc.. Pop the nipple out of his mouth and make him stand on his own two feet. Prioritizing is a skill that is taught. Now, if he is in need of help at some point then by all means help him. We all need help sometimes. However, never allowing, or should I say forcing him in some cases, to move out on his own and be his own man is only debilitating him. God forbid something happens to you. How would he survive in this big scary world when you never gave him the skills to do so?
6. Being Emotional Does Not Equal Being Weak
Little boys are being mistaught that having any type of emotion other than anger makes them weak. It is as if, if they care for someone deeply, or show any type of endearing emotions then they are not being a “real man”. There should be balance with everything. No I do not think that it is constructive for a young man to be weak minded or for anyone to allow their emotions to control their behavior constantly. There should always be an element of rationale there. However, being cold hearted and keeping everything bottled up is equally unhealthy for any gender. Talk to them. Teach them how to discuss their feelings in a healthy manner rather than bottling it up and allowing it to be displayed in angry tirades or tantrums. Emotional stability is priceless.
7. Girls Are Taught To Be Selfless While Boys Are Taught To Be Selfish
Little girls are often molded at a very young age to be selfless. Always give of yourself, be the caretaker for everyone, give and give until you cannot give anymore. Little boys are not taught to have that same level of selflessness. They are taught to be tough, be number one etc.. A little selflessness is a good trait for everyone to have. It is time that we teach our little boys how to be warm, and give of themselves as well.
Check Out The First Edition Of YeahSheSaidIt Radio With My CoHost Taleice. We Discuss This Issue More. You Don’t Want To Miss This. You Can Listen To It Here
Women are no longer being prudish because we are being told by men that if we don't put out another women will and we will be abandoned and left alone. That why some women act like whores; the men demand it.
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