While perusing Facebook tonight, I came across a post of a grade school friend who had the following status:

“Two grown men cannot share a banana.”

Well damn. I had no clue that there were so many rules that heterosexual men had to practice in order to assure that the world knew that they indeed were heterosexual. I went on to jokingly probe my friend to see whether this fruit sharing applied strictly to bananas or was it safe to say that all fruits should not be shared between heterosexual men.

“What if the banana is too big and long for one of them to eat?”, “Can they split a strawberry?” I asked. “How about a kiwi?” I continued. “What if the kiwi is really juicy and wet?” I continued on. “Can they split a baby carrot? How about a big, fat, long, carrot? The ones you have to shave? ” Yeah, I’m an asshole. I know this. Luckily my friend laughed it off and replied “no” to all of my inquiries. He didn’t take my jabbs as a test to his manhood. Love ya Jeff!

Okay, at that point I was being a little facetious. But it really did interest me and it reminded me of other quirky social rules that heterosexual men partake in daily to assure that the world knows they are not gay. For instance, I have heard straight guys say that two men who are in the bathroom together must skip at least one urinal. There should never be any peering into the others stall and being in a eye shot of the man’s package is a definitely no-no.

Another interesting rule is the movie etiquette. While two straight guys can go to the theater together they must sit at least one seat apart. There is no need for anyone to know that they are actually together. Sure these rules may seem silly and needless to some of the readers but I assure you that many straight men take these straight guy etiquette handbook very serious. They carry that ish around with them in their back pocket daily. In the African American community where being gay is not only a religious sin but a cultural no-no, I find from my experience as a urban Black female, that urban Black men are damn serious about these rules and the practice of them is strict. I’m sure the same applies to men of other cultural backgrounds but I find that it is a reason for insult and perhaps even a fight if broken among Black men. Sounds like a lot to remember to me. If you were to break these social faux pas then you are assumed to be… duh- duh! Gay! No straight man wants that. I joke and kid in this post but homophobia is alive and well. Especially homophobia among Black men.

Women share food all the time. I have shared dessert with female friends. I have shared alcoholic drinks. I have danced in the club with my girls. Yet, no one ever questioned my sexuality. If they did, it wouldn’t have pissed me off.

Still, I would assume that if a man knows that he is not gay and is completely comfortable with that then it wouldn’t matter how much fruit he shared with another man. However, this is not the case. Are these rules silly? Are we that homophobic in our society that even the idea of someone assuming you were gay is a reason for insult? Does being gay still imply that you are somehow broken and unfixable? Let me know about the bro code brothas.

What concerns me the most about this homophobia aside from its silliness is that Black men spend so much time affirming their manhood that when they are actually gay, they stay in the closet for years. Pretending to be something they are not. Living an alternate lifestyle and infecting unsuspecting Black women on the down low. Helping to spread HIV in the Black community. That ish is far from funny.