Submitted on 2009/11/14 at 12:59pm

Hey LJ,

I have just finished reading your post about black women and how you were treated by them. I couldn’t help but identify with this because I experienced the very same things!!! Even now at 34 years old, it continues.

I would like your opinion on this. Whenever I come in contact with another black women, I can feel the tension!!!! It’s so thick you can cut it with a knife!!!! They alienate me and have all my life!!! This has made cry and have feeling that is there something wrong with me?? Am I not interesting enough to be a friend??? Or what!!! I notice that black women will make it a point to be condescending, start a unintentional (not on my side) battle of the wits, and confrontational. i would also like to add that I am a very attractive fair-skinned black women.

Why does this happen to me??????

Dear Anonymous,

Girl, I have been there as well. The feelings of loneliness due to my not fitting in, (I have always been artistic) or some other woman feeling that I am too attractive for my own good. Not knowing that I, like her and so many other women, have my own insecurities about myself that I have had to learn to love. Unfortunately, they do not see that. My first suggestion would be to check yourself first. Make sure that it is not something you are giving off personality wise that is turning other women off. For instance, are you bitchy? Do you have a nasty disposition? Are you stuck up? Be honest with yourself. If you truly feel that you are none of these things then you are going to have to learn how to deal with the hating. In essence that is what it is. There is nothing you can do to make everyone that you encounter like you and want to be around you. Trust me, I have tried. Honestly, would you want to? Imagine how much work that would be? Sometimes, when someone is unique or special, others around them cannot handle that person shining. This is their problem NOT yours. Don’t get me wrong, we all are special in our own ways, however some of us have learned how to channel that individual quality that makes us a star more so than others. That can be threatening to those who have not “found” themselves in that way yet.

There will always be a woman, no matter the ethnicity, with insecurity issues, whose way of patting herself on the back is by holding another woman down. This will never change. You have to find a way to handle it.

Never, EVER, feel that there is something wrong with you. Continue to stay positive and love yourself! The right group of friends or friend will come along who appreciates you as well without feeling jealous or threatened. Why? Because, she too will know that she is wonderfully unique as well.

The next time you are put in a situation like that where you feel you are being unfairly treated or judged by women because of your attractiveness, dust your shoulder off! You are wonderful and that is not a problem honey, it is a gift! Embrace all of your gifts, inside and out. Lastly, keep it moving.

P.S. Ladies, I don’t know about you but hating makes my head hurt. Whether I am experiencing it or if I am the one giving off the negativity. Either way, my head immediately starts aching from all of the pettiness, jealousy, and envious behavior. I have a allergic reaction to being a bitter chick. You should too.

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